BRATINELLA daw ako!

Some memories are forgotten but there are memories that no matter what will happen will never be erased, will never fade. Sometimes, we want to have amnesia (selective, will be the best type) just to make sure that the experienced or the memories we had will be gone, so that the pain or the frustration we had will be ease. It is not easy for humans to forget painful experiences, mistakes or faults of others, betrayal or other forms of negative thoughts or ideas that will surely lead to tears or hatred.

As what others say, "a thousand good deeds will be long forgotten by a single mistake" I posted this blog because I can't seem to understand other people's sentiments, why they act that way and why they react in that matter. I am obviously not the best student or the best person in this whole wide world, I believe and I truly know that I am not perfect and I am not trying to be one. I just feel so bad.

I feel so hurt being called a SPOILED BRAT because I know I am not that kind. If what she means by SPOILED BRAT is somewhat negative then who is she to judge me? Who is she to say that I am "bastos" and that I was not trained or raised well? I am so hurt, because I know that I never done something wrong, especially to her and then she will tell the head that I am the one who laughed at her? I even said sorry to her even if I did not do something bad, just to ease the tension and forget what happened. But then, the relationship will never be back, because I was judge and that impression will last for her.

It happened last February during the PSHP convention in Manila, the venue was in Manila Hotel. We had a break, so that we could line up for the freebies, "motherhen", "miss J" and I represented our hospital. "Motherhen" was talking to some sales representative she knows while "miss J" and I lined up for the freebies. We didn't know the "MH" was looking for us, "miss J" tapped my shoulder and said, "oh, naglabay si MH", but when I got her message MH was far already, we laughed it out because we thought that she was also looking for some shorter line to get some frebbies. But then, when we got back on our table, MH said that she was looking for us, and I said "huo, nakita ka gani namon, wala ka namon gin tawag" and she took it negatively, I really thought that she was going to line up, who would have thought that in a closed hall, with a hundred or so people here and there, you will walk and check each line just to look for us? (What happened to call and text? What happened to the cellphone?) Then, after it, Miss J laughed hard and I laughed too because I got carried away by her laughter, and she thought that we were just laughing at her, she said "sunggod ko sa inyo, wala niyo gid ko gintawag, ginpanaguan niyo pa ko, kag ginakadlawan niyo lang" so I answered her "wala ka namon ginpanaguan ah, wala man ko ya kabalo na gina pangita mo kami kay wala ka man nag text. si Miss J naka kita sa imo ya, ulihi ta na ka nakita, layo ka na. Ngaa ginapangita mo kami aw? kay bal-an mo man na ara lang man kami ga linya" and then the tension was already there "ano ta kamo bala ya aw? responsibilidad ta kamo, basi kung diin na kamo nag kadto, sugid ta gid kamo kay HEAD, gapasaway kamo sa akon." So I say sorry to her, cause I know that she's angry and I thought after what happened everything will be okay, that everything will be like it was before. But then I thought wrong!!!

I really really thought wrong! I have proved it yesterday, when she mentioned what happened months before all over again! I was so shocked that she could still remember it. I don't really know what to do, I don't know if she's talking to me wholeheartedly or in a civil way. What's more ironic is, she could find every little fault in somebody else but then she can't even control her own children. Whew!

Lord, I am entrusting to you every pain, disappointments and frustrations, every bad memories and unwanted experience. Let Your Spirit be within me, lengthen my patience and widen my understanding. Give me knowledge and wisdom to think before I act and let me forgive those people who have wronged me, and may they find it in their hearts to forgive others and forget the past. Please guide me in every decisions and every endeavors I have to face. Let your will be done, and let me be an instrument of your peace and love. I offer you everything, from my joys and happiness to my sorrows and crosses. I know that you will always be there for me, because I know that you love your daughter, your princess, and I will forever yours my Big DAD. AMEN.

Happy 12th!

*This is a late post because I should have done it days ago!

Last April 11, I turned 12.(haha)Yes! It has been 12 years since I got operated from my Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA). And ever since then, I started to celebrate it (just like my birthday). I was so happy that I had it celebrated with my friends in a place like La vista Highlands! I was so happy that for the last time, we had a bonding and a memory that would not be taken away. We laughed as we reminisced our past and our college years, the times when we need to save for days just to watch our anticipated movie, those times when we always had calculators whenever we eat in a fastfood or a restaurant (to divide the expenses), and the times when we need to borrow money from a friend because we were short with our allowance. But what made us laugh more, was when we remembered the old love teams and old jokes. Now, we could afford to eat in a fine restaurant, go to a resort (expensive) haha.. and we could travel here and there without asking for a single penny from our parents. IT was so refreshing that all these times, our friendship is still strong, despite the distance and the busy schedules, despite the differences of our works, we could still have time to catch up! But, then as what they say that people change, there are friends that really do, friends that would say yes at first and will not show up at the last minute. Friends that will just communicate if they need you, if they need and want something from you, friends that will never reply whenever you ask them how they were, but then will annoy you to the nth level if they need something. Friends that will not introduce their boyfriends (unless caught off guard), and friends who will order you food and make you feel like its for free but in the end, it is KKB.

But then, I am so thankful that after all these years, I am still alive, still strong and have the most precious gift others never had, and never will. I have friends who will always be there, and a family that will always love,care and protect me, and most of all I have God, my big DAD up there, who will always be my guide and whose plan is always for the best and for my own good!

April Blog

Actually, I didn't know what to talk about and what would be the title of this post. I just realize that I am not a constant blogger though I write a lot on my journals or in any other piece of paper. It's just, sometimes my internet connection is not behaving well these past few days and sometimes I'm really too tired to open my laptop and type something or even just a single sentence. I realized that my writing skills are getting rusty and I wasn't able to practice a lot to get better. I realized that words and their meanings are lost and may be up in space. I realized that some of my constructed sentences and paragraphs are somewhat wrong and my spelling ability is becoming worst as time pass by. So, I promised myself that I should write and read more, that I would use my extra time if I have to do something more worthy.

I am envious to those bloggers who could maintain their blogs and those who are really good in writing, those who are gifted with the talent to play with words and do something to inspire others.

I really want to be a romance writer but then my problem is, I don't know where to start, how to cut into chapters and how to correlate. I want to study these things. I want to study more, I want a new challenge in my life. I want to move further and I'm not contented with what I have right now, when it comes to knowledge. I want to push forward and reach my limit. I want to teach others and be part of their lives, I want to mold others and be an inspiration.

I hope that I could do it!

Easter Holiday!

Lent season is now finally over, and I realized a lot of things and gain new perspectives. Today we are celebrating the Resurrection of our Lord. We are celebrating Easter. We had undergone Holy Thursday and done with the last supper, mourn on Good Friday for the death of our savior and now celebrating the resurrection.

I was so blessed to have the schedule where I can serve the patients and at the same time to serve and be with the Lord, I attended mass and join the Visita Iglesia last Holy Thursday, it is a tradition in our family that is very hard to break, it is what I look forward every lent season, for it is one of those times where I can really talk to HIM solemnly and ask for forgiveness because I know I am part of those people who shouted to crucify him on the cross. I was one of the reasons why He died.

Good Friday. I had my duty and attended the "Simba sa Krus" then join the procession and made 'du-aw' with the Santo Entierro and the crucified Jesus. I had fasting and abstinence.

Black Saturday, the longest mass I ever heard. It took about 3 hours. But then it was worth it, because Jesus lives! He rose! We renewed our baptismal vow and had been blessed.

Easter Sunday, it's a good thing that I'm off today, I had spend time with my family in our own roofdeck. We had a pool party and lots of food and fun! A new bonding and memories to live by. I am so happy that we could still have fun and bond despite the busy life we all have, despite the pressures and stress of work, we could only have God and our family who will always be there for us! And I am so lucky no, I am so blessed to have BOTH!

I will forever be thankful for these blessings, a loving family and a God whose love is unconditional and majestic!

Happy easter everyone! =)