Presents!!!

It's finally Christmas!!! I am so happy that it came. Celebrating the birth of our saviour, spending time with our family. Catching up.

Christmas ia the season I always look forward to. Because it is the time ahere everyone seems so nice and good. Churches are filled with mass goers, aside from the delicious food. We have gifts to give and open too.

Yeah, i received presents this christmas but then i still miss gifts coming from my parents where i could enjoy opening them. Where i could be surprise what's inside the wrapper. Yeah, I'm maybe of age but then I still have a heart of a kid. I still want surprises and gifts where i could really feel that they made an effort in giving me something. Cash is good but it defeats the purpose of gift giving. I can just say that maybe it's out of obligation thst they gave me gift because i'm their daughter. I know it's somewhat nothing but then I want something aside from cash. I want something with effort atleast. I am not counting what I've done but then they could take time to buy something for other people but not their own daughter? I am not that hard to please cause even just a small something could make me happy. I didn't ask for something so expensive. I even didn't ask for anything because i am the only one who makes my wishlist come true.

Ok, it's Christmas. It's not my birthday but His. I just want to thank you Lord for everything. I want to thank you for your unconditional love and for protecting me and my family. I just want to thank you for sending us your only son to be our saviour. Lord, thanks for the learnings and reflections that i had. Let your will be done and not mine. For i know that your plan is always the best and for the good. :)

Harry Potter fan

I must admit, that I'm a big fan, no, a huge fan of HARRY POTTER. It's more than a decade now, I've been crushing on Harry Potter since I was in grade school, until now I guess. I laughed, cried and my emotions were stirred when I was reading the books and watching the movies. There are things about Harry Potter that made me who I am right now. One thing is, I learned to love reading books because of the sequel. It made me believe in magic even more.

I just don't have the right words to describe how in love I am with Harry Potter (the character in the books) then when Daniel Radcliffe played the role of HP, I learned to love him too. Not just a mere crush, more than like and a little of love. (a little eh????) My pockets are always empty just to buy some collectibles and poster of HP.

Ok, enough with HP, let me get straight to Daniel Radcliffe, I already mentioned that I love him (LOL). I was devastated when I learned that he already had a girlfriend. I was like so depressed and sad, I said to myself that they will break up someday, and boom! They broke up, but then again he found another love, and just this morning I found out that he is now single. When I already accepted the fact that we will never cross each other's paths. My heart jump out of joy, I was speechless. But then, no matter whom he will love next I'll be happy for them because I want him to be happiest with someone he loves.

Lastly, I was screaming when I heard the news that they are filming the ninth Harry Potter movie, but the sad thing is, it will only be shown in Harry Potter theme parks. So, my goal now is to save up for the Japan Harry Potter theme park opening about 2 years from now. I just hope so!!!

Christmas Shopping

Ten days to go and it's Christmas, still, I haven't done my Christmas Shopping. So many things to do, so little time, nah! I am just too lazy to buy some stuffs for my family and friends. I have no patience in terms of lining up the cashier and pay for the things I bought. I also don't know how to give them for Christmas. I have no idea what to give my family, and lastly, my BUDGET. I don't know where to get it. HAHA!!! (I'm on leave and I have no salary!) :(

I badly need suggestions and donations. I need them ASAP!!!

Forever Alone

Lately, I am feeling that loneliness, that feeling when you feel so down and alone. When you feel the longing to be with someone or something. Yes, I have friends and family but still you search for something that's lacking. It's like a missing piece in a puzzle or a cherry on an ice cream. Have you ever feel that despite the moment that you're in a crowd you feel so lonely inside?

I am feeling that way for months now, and I don't know what to do anymore. I am eating alone, walking alone, strolling alone. I am always alone. Yes, I know I am way too independent that maybe I was used to do things by myself, but sometimes I also need a companion. I also need someone in my life who would do things for me, but then, maybe finding that someone will take some time. Waiting for that someone will take a lot of days, months or even years. But I'm still willing to wait no matter how silly it seems. I know in my heart that there is someone meant for me, I may not meet him now, but I know in the future I will. And I will no longer be forever alone.

I am YOURs

Why am I Single??

Everyone is asking me this question. "hey, you're already 23, are you still single?" then there's a follow-up question of the big "WHY"? This time I don't know how to answer because they won't take "basta" for an answer. They want me to explain, they want the because of their whys.

Well, I have now the reason why I am single, it is not because that I am too picky or I have a high standard. It is maybe because that I am full of love from the people around me that it is overflowing that I don't have the time to look for more. It is because that I wasn't able to found that someone who could love me like my dad and mom, it is because that I wasn't able to meet that someone who could understand me, who would love me unconditionally and who would do everything to know me deeper, who would love the real me, and not only the things that they see me, I wasn't able to meet that someone who sees through me, through my very soul and my well being. I wasn't able too meet that someone who could love or even surpass the love of God. I wasn't able to meet that someone who could love me without any reason, I wasn't able to KNOW someone whom I can be perfectly imperfect. I know there's still a lot of reason why I am single, because you know what? I am more than happy to spend my time with HIM.

There's still no one on earth who could make me both laugh and cry at the same time. It is only HIM who could make me insane without doing anything. It is only Him who captured my heart and whom I know who will love me despite of my imperfection and mistakes, despite my own failures and bad thoughts. Because in Him I know I am safe and well protected, in Him i have found peace. In Him alone I can be my self, in Him I can be the best. In Him, I could cry my heart out without embarrassing myself. You see, I still wasn't able to find someone whose comparable to Him. I know that there's no one like Him and there's no one on earth who could do those things like He did. But I know, I always know that even if I am single, I will always have Him.

When my time comes and my DADDY won't let me meet the prince charming I am waiting for, then I promise to devote myself to Thee. Thy will be done and not mine. For He said, He had called me by my name, "I love you and you are MINE" then everything I have and will be having, I am willing to let go to follow HIM. I will leave everything on earth to be with HIM, if that's what He wants. For I am a servant of the Lord, though I am a princess, everything that the King asks will be granted.

Christmas is in the Air!!

Days are so fast that I haven't realized it's already advent, days from now and it's already Christmas. Everyone is so busy, and they're already buying gifts for their family and special someones. The mall is crowded and the traffic is heavy. It's the season to be jolly and to be holy.

You see, CHRISTMAS is very much awaited, almost everybody is looking forward for this day to arrive, especially when you're a FILIPINO, they say that "walang tatalo sa pasko ng 'Pinas" because we filipinos are very traditional and loving, very thoughtful too. We value the gift of family and friends, we value almost everything. But sometimes we tend to forgot the real essence of Christmas, what are we celebrating it for?

CHRISTMAS without CHRIST is just mas--moment of sadness. We tend to feel sad and lonely. Sometimes, we don't even remember that it is the birth of Christ, we are just looking for something that can feed our eyes and earthly wants, we tend to forget our soul and the very essence of the celebration. We forgot that it's not only a time of giving and receiving, it is also a time of forgiveness and peace.

So this Christmas, let us not only feed our body, let us feed our soul, let us celebrate it wholeheartedly, without feeling empty and let's love each other!

Goodbye Typhoon

Thank you Lord, for sparing us from typhoon Pablo, we never experienced the wrath of mother nature's revenge for mankind, you never let us walk into the waters, you never let your wind destroyed our houses. Thank you Lord for your love for us, I don't know if I am the only one thinking that you're spoiling us? haha! (kidding)

Lord, please help our brothers and sisters in Mindanao who got hit by the strong typhoon, let them know that You are there, that You truly exist. Let them know that You will take care of everything and everything will be alright in due time. Let them know that You love them and You are God, that there is nothing to be feared about. Let them know that You hear their prayers. Lord, please cradle in Your loving arms the people who met their tragic ends, and let them enter Your kingdom. Father God, embrace the family who are left behind and those who needs shelter, food and clothing. We need You, and I know You could hear our prayers.

Thank you DAD! You really are the best! I love you!

Feeling So Blessed!

Yeah! It's been so long since my last visit. I missed you, you know. I was just too preoccupied and lazy too. Sorry! It's December already and Christmas is in the air, days to go and viola Jesus will be born!

By the way, I am writing this blog, because I feel so blessed! I really am! I'm so blessed to have friends and family who loves me and cares for me. I have a good sense of direction and common sense too. I have God. There's nothing I could ask for more, because with them, I am complete.

I may not have all the material things this world can offer, all I have are things that money can't buy, happiness, satisfaction, friends, family and a loving God. Who would ask for more? Because with these, I have more than enough. In this lifetime, I will just walk by this earth, everything can be taken away any minute, my life can be cut any moment, I can't bring these things with me, when that time comes, but with your love, and memories. Yeah, no one can take them away from me, and I am thankful for such wonderful things. Thank you so much, for being part of my life.

In HIM, I'm more than happy, contented and because of his overflowing love that I can love others, it is because of his mercy that I could forgive others, it is because of his helping hands that I can serve others, it is because I'm HIS princess that I can be so spoiled! =))

Underdose

I wasn't able to post a blog for weeks and I am guilty that. I was very busy these past few weeks and I always sleep early too. But this time I need to blog, because I know I can't sleep if I can't unload the burden.

Yesterday, we were under staff because one colleague was absent and another one was doing another job, everything was under control until an incident occurred. I was the pharmacist-on-duty and I scanned the doctors' orders and generate cost center slips. I was the one who processed the medication of one patient who happened to be the father of a nurse. By that time, everyone were so busy and every one where doing the usual stuffs. I didn't know who prepared the medication and who gave it to the nurse, I don't remember if I was the one or not. I only remember that I was the one who printed the medication charges.

The nurse, came by the pharmacy to report what happened just this evening. she told us that we gave the station the wrong dosage strength of Augmentin. The medication should be Augmentin 625mg but then her father was given Augmentin 375mg. Her father had it for 4 doses, I don't know what to do because if you look at it, we were at fault, because we should be the last one who will check the medication, and I am just wondering why, they never call our attention when they received the medicine. Because there's a big difference in size between the tablets and appearance. Even if it is your first time and you didn't see a label of the dosage, you should ask your pharmacist or your senior staff if the one given to you were correct.

I am just worried. Because I will never want it to happen with a member of my family, I understand her concern. I am afraid.

October 1st

Its October!!! Days from now and it's sembreak already! I need to make my exams and need to print them out. I am so busy! I forgot to post about my birthday, and other stuffs.

Btw, I am trying to forget someone and something but then, the more I try, the harder it is to forget them!

I don't know what I am feeling right now, I feel so tired, depressed, excited yet I feel so different. I feel so incomplete. I feel so ALONE.

Yes, tomorrow is my birthday, but I feel that it is will be just an ordinary day like just any other day, the only fact is, I was born this day, 23 years ago. Time pass by so fast that I happen not to notice that I am turning 23 in a few hours. Still, I don't know what I want, and I don't know what I feel. Maybe, today is the worst feeling I have. :(

basta indi gid ko kabalo sang akon nabatyagan, kag indi ko maichindihan ang akon na feel. hayz!

Can't Sleep

I need sleep because I will have my early morning shift tomorrow, as well as class in the afternoon! I want to sleep but then I just can't. I don't know why. I feel so sleepy yet I can't close my eyes. I miss you already! :( I can't deny this no more. I am under your spell, without knowing I fell for you again. Why oh why? Bakit sa iyo pa? Bakit ikaw pa? Kung alam ko na man na ni minsan hindi mo ako nagustuhan at hinding hindi mo magugustuhan. Hindi ako ang weakness ko, pero ikaw ang weakness ko. Hindi kita pinangarap pero ano ba itong ginagawa mo? Alam ko namang wala akong aasahan sa iyo, pero hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong gustuhin ka, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong mahalin kang muli kahit pa na alam ko naman na may ibang mahal ka. :'(

I wish, everything will be alright for my birthday, everything will be fine, everything will be okay. I wish happiness, love and peace, especially the peace of mind. I wish that everything will fall into place.

This month, I am short in post. =(

I wish, to be with my friends, the true and best ones. I wish that I could see my future in a happy spirit. I wish that I could face my fears and live my life in the fullest.

Why Don't You Try?

Sometimes, I am wondering if you and I have something going on between us, but I know we don't have anything, sometimes you act so sweet while at times you act differently. Sometimes, you say words I never expected you to say, and sometimes I expect to hear something from you, but I heard nothing. Sometimes I am wondering why I miss you though there were never a time that we see each other. Sometimes I am wondering why I get jealous where in fact there is no reason why I should. I am wondering why are we like this, though we have nothing to wonder. Because you and I are just plain friends. Maybe, just maybe those little conversations we are having gives me joy, happiness I just can't explain, those little talk about our future make we want to try it out with you, I know that you are not my ideal guy, where in fact you are the total opposite of what I wanted. But then, I just can't help falling in love with you for the nth time. You know me very well and I know you too, but then I am still afraid, because you never said anything about liking me, you always like someone else, those girls that's on your league, while I am just there by your side, as always, as a friend. I am afraid to cross the line, because if I do, I am afraid to lose the friendship that we have, the friendship that I am taking care of, the friendship that is my only connection to you. I am afraid that if I do, we'll lose the friendship and the connection, I am just too damn afraid to lose you, despite the fact that you will lose more if I do.You know, despite the fact that I know you so well, it didn't hinder me from liking you. Now, you will be away for months and I don't know what will happen, I just wish you good luck, God bless and be safe always. By the way, why don't we try it being together when you get back?

See You When I See You

Yes, maybe I just see you whenever I see you, whenever there's a chance of meeting you, I believe that I told you, "if we're meant to be, we will be together, maybe not now but maybe forever." I still believe that if we are not together now, maybe we will be in the future, so better behave there. I will wait for you.

Are You One of Them?

Why is it that there are really people who are fond of talking behind your back? Whose only purpose here on earth is to talk sh*t (sorry for the foul word) about you, whose sole objective is to bring you down. Who likes to say words against you, who curse you without your knowing, why do they exist when in fact, we don't actually need them to make this world a better place. I don't want to be mean or something, but I just let karma do it on its own time.

In every person's life story, there will always be a wicked witch, jealous sisters, envious friends, one true love, fairy god-mothers, and you will always get hurt, but then you should learn how to stand up and fight. Besides, if you're not happy, then it's not yet the end of the story, because every story should end up happy, life goes on and we also need to move on, just like the pages of the book, every page is important, the book will be dull and without spice if there's a ripped page or two. You can never call it complete, its always the same with our days, one single day is always important in our life, because it makes up our story, it is a part of it, so always make your day worthy and always enjoy every moment! It will never happen again twice! =)

I think I am Falling For you Again

This letter is addressed to you.

You,

     We've known each other quite some time now, and we've talked a lot of things about this and that, everything under the sun and the moon, thinking of the future, but unlike lovers, we talked about our future separately. We talked about your family and mine. You always talk about the girl you want to marry while I am always listen very carefully, supporting your plans and agreeing with what you have in mind. You always talk about things you want to do with her, and your future babies, while I am just staring in the monitor whenever we are chatting, thinking of words and things to say to you, because every time we chat I feel so happy inside, I know I shouldn't but then little by little, my suppressed feelings for you are getting and getting so hard to resist.

   Do you still remember those times when you were the one who always waking me up in the morning? Those times when you said those three words every single sentence you said? Those times when you promised that I will be yours forever? But then, despite our happy times, the sad part came, we didn't break up because we never had the so-called relationship, we had our understandings, but then it never came to a point that we were committed. I admit I had loved you since then, and I don't know if I still do right now. I am very much confused of my feelings for you, we are friends, close enough but sometimes, I wanted it to be more than that, but then you're always telling me that you like someone and I know it will never be me. I know that you are just seeing me as a friend, that someone you could lean on, that someone who will listen to you, but not someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with, not someone whom you can call yours and yours alone. I know that I am not your ideal girl and you are not my ideal man either. You are the total opposite of what I want. And it hurts to know the fact that we could never have our own love story to be told.

    Why do I always end up getting hurt if all I do is to love someone? Why do I always end up being alone, and left behind when all I need is to be there by their side? Why do I always end up broken, when all I do is fixing things up? Why am I still single?

What a Crab

Why is it that there are just some people who are not happy when you achieve something? When you are superior and above them? When you are better than them? Why can't they just be happy and make you as an inspiration?

There are people who are bashing you, especially when you are not around. I don't know what's with them that they keep on comparing you and them, that they get so indifferent about so many things and they get to be jealous on your winnings and achievements? When all they can see are the things you do and didn't do. I don't know how to treat them, especially if their mouths are bigger than their brains. Is it my fault if I am good in everything that I do? Am I at fault if I am just smarter than them? If I am loved by everybody around and everybody hates them? Is it my parents' fault that they taught me very well with manners and values? Who are they to question who I am when in fact they didn't know who I really am. Is it my fault if I am trustworthy enough? Then, they better do better than me, they better do their job really well.

Sometimes, I am thinking if "Am I that good, to be envied at?" Because I am just doing my job well, obviously years of experience is not enough reason to learn, sometimes initiative,values and knowledge matters. Sorry, I am not lifting any chair, but I know I am better than they are and I know that I could do better than them. Sorry if I am smarter. But I just want to thank you, for making me realize what a better person I am. And I just want to let you know, age don't matter in line of work. I may be younger than you do, and you may be my senior but then let me tell you, it doesn't matter because you're acting like my junior. Thanks for the effort and for making me stress.

I want to thank God, that despite everything, He still loves me and blessed me! Thanks for the knowledge and the ability. =)

I Wish!

iPod touch 5th generation

I had been planning to buy an iPod touch from the beginning, but then I just can't seem to buy it. I had already ordered but, then something came up and wasn't able to finish the transaction. I really wanted to have an iTouch but circumstances were very uncooperative.

Then, I heard the news about the new generation of this thing. And I could always wait, a little longer will not hurt. I had read all the specs and I really, really love it. So, maybe I should find something new to give myself for my birthday, and I will reserve this future baby of mine for Christmas.

By the way, I can't afford to buy the iPhone 5s, so I will just settle with the 5th generation of this iPod touch. And I am calling out to Santa, I had been very good this year, and all I want is to have this thing, it doesn't matter if I'm single, as long as I have my "baby" I will be fine. =)

lihog lang

I am a teacher, well partly I am. I love to teach, I love to impart my learnings to the new aspiring pharmacy students. I was ready for everything that may happen in the future. What I am not ready about was the fact that I had a class full of irresponsible and disrespectful students. And I really, really hate it when they act like brats.

September 11, I promised to blog, I promised to post something in my trashbin, but I wasn't able to do so, because I was too tired to open a single page of my browser and I was so sick that I really need to rest. I was alone, my co-teacher was absent because he had to go somewhere. I am in front of almost 40 students and I asked them, "class did you bring the specimens, your Sir Rommel asked you to bring?" and they answered a big N-O. There are 6 groups and not a single group brought a single specimen. Sino ba namang teacher ang hindi maiinis sa kanyang mga iresponsableng estudyante? As I recall, when I was still in college, I believed we were so noisy back then, we were obviously pasaway, and sometimes hard-headed too. But then, when a teacher ask us to bring something for lab work, no matter how hard it is to find, we could bring it to school, we were so afraid for a single 1 point deduction in our grades. We were friends with our teachers outside the room, but we respected them inside the room. We know our limitations as a student. We feel ashamed when we got low in our exams and quizzes. Hindi namin pinangungunahan ang aming mga guro, we never asked them to meet us and have class in our convenient time, we were waiting patiently for our scheduled class to come.

I am so stressed with these type of students. Students who doesn't even know the course they took, students who doesn't know how to respect, how to listen and students who doesn't know how to answer a simple question. Students who doesn't know how to copy notes, who doesn't have initiative... Basta students na isusumpa mo na lang na mabagsak sa class mo. ang feeling na gusto mo silang lahat mawala sa paningin mo dahil nakakirita ang mga ugali nila, porke't mayaman kung umasta anak ng presidente, at kahit pa anak sila ng kung sino mang poncio pilato, hinding hindi ko sila uurungan, hinding hindi ko sila palalampasin. Tingnan natin sa finals..

Students ko, naka iPhone, naka iPad, naka Samsung. Halos lahat sila mayaman, ngunit parang halos lahat din sa kanila walang kwenta. Iyong tipong, kailangan mo pa talagang pukpukin, o di kaya nag-aabang nalang na subuan mo. At kung makakopya sa kaklase wagas, harap harapan, walang takot. kami nga kahit walang answer ayos lang, dahil alam naman namin na kami rin ang mawawalan. Maybe it's high time to get the "strict-side" of my past teachers.

magkita na lang tayo sa dulo ng ballpen ko! wala na talagang awa ito! huwag na huwag niyo akong subukan, dahil kayo rin ang mawawalan.

My Month

It's the tenth day of September and it will be my first post.  I should have posted from the 1st day of the month but then I wasn't able to and I know it is entirely my fault.

I have a lot of happy thoughts and experiences, I had received a lot of blessings and gifts. It is my birth-month and I am looking forward for more adventures. I am so speechless right now, not because I am still in fantasyland but because I am too damn tired and my brain is not functioning that well.

I will be back tomorrow, and the day after and the day after and so on. I promise I will be back!

Wondering, still wondering

I wonder if you could like me too,
I mean if you could love me too.
I had fallen for you before,
but I think I'm falling for you once more.

I wonder if you could see me too,
The way I stare and look at you.
I wonder if you could feel it too
The way my heart beats for you.

I wonder if you could like me more than a friend,
I always wanted to be your girlfriend
Because it is you, that I always see
But I think you could never see me.

You broke my heart into pieces before
I don't want it to be shattered anymore.
I don't want to make the same mistake
But for you, the risk, I will take.

My head is telling me, to not believe
And I don't want to feel another grieve
My heart wants to take a chance again
Maybe, I am crazy, maybe I'm insane.

I'll tell you honestly, listen very well
In my heart, in there you dwell.
I had loved you from the very start
Together,forever, we will never part

But I had been wrong all along,
In your league, I don't belong.
Now, I had moved on already
I wonder if I could just love somebody?

You came again and you talk so sweet
I told you to stop, but you never quit
Now my heart is skipping a beat
I wonder, you captured me, you did!

Kaibigan Ka lang Naman

     Bakit ka masasaktan, wala ka namang karapatan. Kaibigan ka lang naman di ba? Bakit ka magdedemand? May commitment ba kayo? Kaibigan ka lang naman di ba? Bakit ka magagalit dahil hindi sinagot ang tawag at texts mo, ano ka ba niya? Kaibigan ka lang naman di ba? Bakit ka umaasa, alam mo namang wala kang pag-asa, dahil nga kaibigan ka lang naman di ba? Bakit ka nag-aantay, wala naman siyang pakialam kung matagal ka nang nakatayo. Kaibigan ka lang naman di ba?

      Maraming mga kwento ang nagsisimula sa pagkakaibigan, at marami din namang hanggang kaibigan lang, may mga kwentong nagsimula sa ligawan pero nauwi sa pagkakaibigan na lang, at meron namang mga kwento na masaklap ang katapusan, dahil hindi man lang nagkaroon ng kahit na pagkakaibigan lang.

     Mga kwentong sa pagkakaibigan nagsimula at nagtapos sa pagmamahalan, ang iba nga hanggang kasalan. May mga iyakan at tawanang naganap at nagaganap. Ito ang kwento na gusto ng lahat, ang may happy ending kumbaga. Ito ang kwento ang palaging inaabangan ng lahat, lalo na sa teleserye at sa pocketbook man. Ang kwento kung saan ang leading man ay madedevelop sa leading lady o vice versa. Ang kwento na laging ina-assume na sila na ang magkakatuluyan. Dahil na itatak na sa mga utak natin na ang lahat ay naguumpisa sa pagiging magkaibigan. Katulad na lang halimbawa na, may kaklase kang lalaki at pinakilala mo siya sa pamilya mo bilang kaibigan, tatanungin ng isa sa kanila na, "oh, nanliligaw ka ba sa kanya?" O di kaya "Girlfriend mo na ba ang anak ko?" o ang iba naman ay "sino ka at bakit magkasama kayo?" Kung pasusubalian niyo ito na, "hindi po ako nanliligaw at hindi ko siya girlfriend, wala kaming relasyon MAGKAIBIGAN LANG PO KAMI" sasabihin naman sa iyo na "SA PAGIGING MAGKAIBIGAN NAGSISIMULA ANG LAHAT". (Kita niyo na, hindi naman ito iba pa, ito na talaga ang sa simula pa lang ay tapos na).
     Marami sa atin ay nagsasabi na hanggang kaibigan lang ang kaya niyang ibigay pero hindi rin maikakaila na minsan ay nagkagusto ka rin sa iyong kaibigan ngunit hindi mo lang gusto na masira ang pagkakaibigan niyo dahil sa iyong nararamdaman.  At minsan hindi mo man aminin ay nasasaktan at nagseselos ka rin. Lalo na pag sinabi sa iyo na "salamat dahil naging KAIBIGAN kita" nasa kaibigan lang talaga ang iyong kategorya.
     Mahirap mahalin ang isang kaibigan, lalo na kung ika'y "solo flight" hindi man natin aminin, ito ay katotohanan na hindi natin pwedeng itago at kalimutan, nararanasan at mararanasan. Kung pwede nga lang pigilan, pero kahit minsan mas gumagana ang puso kaysa sa utak natin, at sa huli sisisihin ni utak si puso kung bakit ito nauto. Kaibigan ka lang naman, wala kang karapatan.

    

     

Just a Part

Namumugto ang mga mata ni Harriet dahil matinding kalungkutan. Hindi niya napigilan ang pagtulong muli ng kanyang mga luha habang kausap ang kanyang kasintahan na nadestino sa ibang bayan. "Kamusta ka na diyan Don? Bakit hindi ka tumawag man lang? Kumain ka na ba?" Tuloy-tuloy niyang tanong.

"Ok lang naman ako dito mahal, umiiyak ka na naman ba?" Tanong nito kay Harriet sa malungkot ding boses.

"Alam mo naman na miss na miss na kita, mag-iingat ka diyan ha. Tandaan mo na naghihintay ako dito." Madamdaming pahayag ni Harriet sa kay Don.

Hindi akalain ni Harriet na sa isang iglap lamang ang kanilang masayang pagsasama ay mauuwi sa hiwalayan, hindi ng kanilang mga puso kundi ng kanilang mga presensiya. Hindi niya lubos maisip kung ano ang gagawin sa araw-araw dahil nasanay na siya na nandiyan lamang si Don sa kanyang tabi, kahit pa na hindi naman sa lahat ng oras ay magkasama sila.

Oh No!

August is about to end and I am so short with my posts... I only have 3 posts this month and days are passing so fast. I should work it up. I should think of something so that I could be inspired to write more, to blog more, to post more... think.think.think.

I will dream of someone so that when I wake up I have something to talk about. I have something to post about. I will post something more.......

Just nothing

I had fun watching a movie with an old friend. She's also a pharmacist and she was one of my co-worker before she resigned and transferred to one of the government hospitals where the compensation is higher than ours. We had  a laugh and lots of talks with just an hour or two, but it was worth it. I hope to have another time with her.

Lord Please Spare Us

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

flood in Luzon

 

 

 

 

 

 

     It has been weeks since it started to rain not only in Manila or most part of Luzon but as well in Visayas region. The rain already stopped here in my city but then it continues in the upper and central part of the country. I am just praying that there will be few casualties and death, because losing some property is hard but losing a family member is even harder. I am praying that the rain would stop and the sky will show Mr. Sun. I am praying that the people will help one another and forget their self-centered nature. I am praying that my friends and relatives and those people who are suffering from these flood will not lose their faith in HIM. I am praying that everything will be alright and everything will be over soon. I am praying to see the purpose in the end. I am praying that The heavens above will spare the country from drowning.

I need another part time job. Where can I get one? The one that will never conflict with my schedule. I badly need money. As in! I really, really need money...

where am i?

Like what I said, I am confused. I am so down, depressed and sad. I am not like me, I am turning into someone I am not. I miss my old self. It's been so long that I am this way and I am not happy about it. I really feel so bad, I really feel like I'm a bad person.

If I die one day, I just hope that people will remember me as the girl who always smile, a girl who knows nothing but happiness, the girl who is strong and independent. If one day I die, I hope I had made anyone happy that they knew me. I want to be remembered as the girl whose kind and nice.

I really need to find myself.

sorry

Kasabay ng malakas na buhos ng ulan
Ay ang pagbuhos ng luha sa aking mga mata
Kasabay ng malamig na dapyo ng hangin sa aking katawan
Narinig ko ang mga salitang hindi ko maisipan

Kung nasaktan man kita, patawarin mo sana
Hindi ko ninais na ganoon ang magagawa
Hindi ko naisip na ganoon ang iyong makita
Patawarin mo ako, ako'y hiyang-hiya

Totoo naman lahat ng sinabi mo
Hindi ko lang naman napigilan ang damdamin ko
Hindi ko lang lubos maisip kung bakit
Bakit ako nagkaganito

Ako'y nasasaktan sa di malamang dahilan
Ako'y nalilito sa mga pinagdadaanan
Mata ko'y hilam na sa mga luha
Mahl naman kita, hindi mo ba nakikita?

Ina ko, patawarin mo ako
Hinding-hindi ko uulitin pa ito
Kung ano man ang nagawang kasalanan ko
Sana maintindihan at mapatawad mo

innuendo

Why is it there are always people who are fond of making innuendos. And they are very much happy doing it, they are happy that they could hurt others.  Why is it, they can't tell it directly to the person involved? Why is it they are too brave to talk behind your back, or to talk in front of you but not directly?

Just A Thought...Hmmm!!

I am ALONE.  It's not usually rare, because I am ALWAYS alone, all by myself. All by my own, just with my own shadow. Sometimes I want to be with someone other than myself, my family or my friends. Sometimes I want to be with someone I could count on to, someone who will hold my hand and tell me that everything will be alright. Sometimes, I want to be with someone who will be by my side when difficult times will come, when I am facing certain problems and trials, someone who will be there to support me and will just be behind my back, pushing me forward, encouraging me that I could always do it. That someone who will be my Bruce Wayne, or my silent protector.

I had written the above paragraph about 3 days ago, and I don't want to be alone in the end, I realized that even though I love my freedom and I love being single, we can't deny the fact that it's really different if you have your own family in the near future. I realized how hard it is for a single lady or a single man, when there will be a time that they need someone by their side, when they need someone to take care of them, because you can not always ask assistance from your nieces or nephews, your siblings have their own lives to live too.

My old-maid aunt was admitted yesterday, and she's living alone. Though you can see her happy and always laughing, we always know that she needs someone who could take care of her. She's able and she's so vivacious and hyper.  She's now facing another chapter of her life, she'll undergo an operation, I think it will be appendectomy later, and she needs moral support and prayers. I know that my aunt is a strong woman and she could face whatever what's in front of her. I feel so sad, because everyone is busy and no one will take care of her at the hospital, because everyone has work to do. I don't want to be like her, I don't want to be pitied when that time comes.

I don't care how long, but I'm willing to wait,no matter how silly it may seems. I know that it will all be worth it. Everything will be done and will come in due time.  Everything will all be according to HIS plans and will. I will not complain, I just need to accept that everything is happening because He knows what's best for me and I am just waiting for the "period" when He's done writing my love story. I know that it will be the sweetest and the most romantic story ever told.

So whoever you are, wherever you are, make it fast, will you?

Just Done Solving!

Oh my goodness!!! I just finished solving the grades of my dear students and I just can't believe that more than half of the class failed!!! And never in my whole entire life did I ever had this grades like them. I am not that intelligent when it comes to academics, and I am not that diligent too, my study habits were PRN. But even so, I didn't have grades below 75 since I started schooling.

Students now are really too far away from the students before... and it's a sad thing!

Sad Truth

Minsan, tayo mismo ang rason kung bakit tayo nasasaktan...

Sometimes, we are the reason why we experience pain.

Sometimes pain is self-inflicted.  And that sometimes, we are just to proud to accept that we are the main reason why we are experiencing such agony and pain, but most often than not, we are looking for someone we could point our fingers to, to take the blame. We are looking for scapegoats.

I Just Can't Sleep

Even though I am so damn tired right now, I just can't sleep because of our inconsiderate neighbors who are still singing out loud rock songs in the middle of the night who doesn't have a plan to sleep. I just hope that they would let us enter the dreamland and enjoy our supposed to be deep slumber.

Despite what's happening right now, I am just here stuck in my blog, staring at my monitor and tapping the keyboard to create sentences and paragraphs pertaining to what I want to say and feel.  I am happy that since February of this year, I have been blogging and no month was left with the big zero. I am surprised that it became my habit to blog or post something, my goal this year is to create more post and be better in what I'm doing, develop my passion in writing and hope that one day I could create a book and publish them. 

I am happy that I could freely write what I want without people judging me, if they could read this and might judge me through this, then it is their choice. I don't even care, because they don't know me, they could just comment or read this, they don't even know if I might have ghost writers (do I look like I have?).  I am just happy that I could share my thoughts with my computer!

Gusto Ko lang

Today, I just want to talk in my own national language--Filipino.

"Mahirap magalit ang mababait."

Ito ang aking post sa aking "what's on your mind" sa social network na Facebook o ang tinatawag natin na FB.  Nabasa ko ito minsan, at ito ay naaayon sa mga taong katulad ko o katulad mo na mabait, at minsan lang kung magalit.

Ako ang tao na hindi parating nagagalit, na kung pwede lang naman pagpasensyahan ay gagawin ko, kung pwede lang namang pag-usapan ay mas gusto ko iyon. Hindi ako ang tipo na nagkikimkim ng galit (dahil bawal ito, dahil sa aking kondisyon sa puso), at hindi din ako iyong tipo na makakatulog na alam kong may galit sa akin o kung may kinagagalitan ako, hindi kasi ako sanay sa ganoon. Gusto ko, kung may taong galit sa akin sabihin niya sa harap ko at hihingi ako ng tawad sa nagawa ko kung nakasakit man ako na hindi ko namamalayan, at kapag ako ang nagalit, kahit na minsan lang parang bulkan, isahan ang bagsak! Pero matapos kong magalit ay wala na sa akin iyon, hindi ako mahilig mag grudge, pero alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako iyong tipong makakalimutin. Mapapatawad kita sa mga nagawa mong kasalanan pero hindi ko madaling kalimutan ang mga nangyari.

Kanina, nagalit ako sa aking mga estudyante, dahil marami ang hindi nakapasa sa prelim exam nila. At sa oras na nagre-recheck kami ng kanilang mga sagot, hindi pa sila nakikinig at napakaingay ng silid aralan. Hindi ko na makayanan ang aking pagpapahaba ng pasensya, naubos na talaga, simula ng magturo ako noon Hunyo, alam ko na madaling panahon lang ang itinagal ng pasensya ko, pero alam ko na nasa tamang panahon na para ako ay magalit at magsalita sa klase nila na hindi ko na makayanan ang kanilang mga pinapakitang kabastusan at walang respeto.

Alam ko na hindi ako dapat magalit dahil ako lang din naman ang lalabas na talo, pero minsan kailangan mo ring ilabas ang isang bahagi ng iyong pagkatao na minsan lang makita ng iba para malaman din nila na hindi sa lahat ng panahon ay okay lang, dahil ang mga taong mababait ang mga taong palaging inaabuso. Hindi na ako ang taong tumatahimik na lang sa isang sulok ngayon, ako ay isang tao na, na sinasabi na kung ano ang iniisip at nararamdaman ko (puwera lamang sa damdaming pag-ibig dahil hanggang ngayon ako ay isang duwag pa rin).

Salamat na lamang at meron pa akong palabasan ng aking tunay na nararamdaman, hindi man ako magaling na manunulat, pero ginagawa ko naman ang lahat ayon sa aking kaalaman na maipabatid kung sa kanino mang mambabasa ang aking saloobin.

Its the 23rd of July

My all-time crush since history

Dearest Daniel,

Happy 23rd Birthday!!!

I offer you this post of mine for your birthday. I am very, very happy that you are happy and in love.  I am happy that you've found the girl you will cherish. I only want the best for you, you know that I've been crushing on you for so long, and you've been a part of my life since then and you will always be. You are making me happy in ways you never know and see (you're too far from me). Funny how time flies so fast, you really look so mature right now but then I will always remember you as my HARRY POTTER despite all the movies and plays you've done after.

I am wishing you happiness and love, more blessings and projects, safety and protection, all the best in life. I know that you may have almost everything that you want and need, but I still wish that you will reach what you really want in life. I wish you would still be the same.

I will always be  fan and I hope one of these glorious days or in the near future (if the world will not end) I'll get a chance of meeting you personally.  And when that time comes, I know I will be the happiest girl in the world, it will be a dream come true for me.  It doesn't matter now, if you're not the one I'm gonna marry in the future, just to see you or talk to you would really mean a lot for me.  You will always be my Harry Potter and my ultimate crush.

Whatever the future will be, I'm always a fan! =)

P.S. I celebrated your birthday this afternoon (as usual, alone). I will always celebrate your birthday, with or with out you! =)


Always,

countess yojin

He Totally Did RISE!

Batman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was a Batman fan since I was young, I have seen many versions and different actors who became batman as well as robin. Batman never fails to amuse me, the eccentric billionaire who hides in his black suit and cape. I watched it earlier alone, as usual! Again, he did rise. I am just so inspired by him, that even though he was in pain and agony, he took blame for everything, he lost his company, lost his trusted butler, he still have the heart to help his city, he still believes in the people. I am so touched and admire him more. He could just save his self but he didn't.

From all the superheroes of DC Comics, Batman is the closest to reality. He doesn't have special powers or laser eyes, he doesn't have super strength and super speed, he doesn't need a ring and a pair of wings. All he has are his precious gadgets and his trusted people. All he has is his body and soul, as well as his intelligence. In my own opinion and point of view, he's the most witty among the Justice League. He thinks before he acts, he knows how to use his skill and gadgets, though he may always be beaten out by the antagonists, he always know when to stand up and fight again.

Batman is my childhood hero.

Where is Chivalry?

I watched a concert this evening with my 2 friends and colleagues, my workmates, Krisha and Mommy Jen. The concert ended at around 11 in the evening.

We went home together because I was not fetched by my father, and I'm too shy to call home. I just texted my mother that I was about to head home. We rode the jeepney together and Krisha was the first one to get down.  It was raining then, and I just had my umbrella, I went down at the plaza, to ride another jeep.

As I rode the vehicle, no one moved a muscle, no one was giving way for me to seat. And I asked myself, wow! Will these guys just look at me there squatting? Will they offer their seat? I didn't sit, I squatted and that was just too tiring and my legs were about to give up, and I could see them, sitting comfortably.

I realized that men these days lost their chivalry, lost their gentleness and it's just too bad. Men these days do need to be asked for a favor because they are not doing things whole heartedly. I don't know what happened to the princes who were saving the damsel in distress, the guys who will do everything for the girl they loved, the men who will always be a gentleman. Where are those guys who doesn't need telling to, the guys who doesn't need to be turned up. Did they turn into frogs or dogs?

Chivalry is all lost in this generation and I think it will never be back til the next. And it is a sad thing!

=((

I can now fully understand what my teachers felt when we were just students. How they felt when they're making the exam papers and what they felt when they're checking it. What they felt when their students weren't able to reach the cut off score and just fail, what they felt when they saw the score of their students for a very easy exam. I can fully understand their situation, now that I am a teacher and was able to check my first exam for my first time of being a teacher.

I really feel so bad. That despite all the things and efforts you've made to make it easy for them, even though you're spoon feeding them, giving them everything they need it's not yet enough. Maybe I'm just expecting too much from them, or maybe I expected them to be like us, who were afraid to fail, who were too afraid to repeat and who feared to cheat.

As I was checking the papers, I was so depressed to see that almost all of my students failed the exam, that almost half or more never got it to the cut off.  And they had time to take it as a joke. As an educator, it's never easy to see them fail, it's never easy to teach a lesson, and it's never easy to see your students treating your class as a joke. I know that I had done my best, I gave my best efforts and I just hope that my students will do their part.

I don't want to be a princess of doom but in this case, maybe I just be who I was called for, a pharmacist and I will just accept that, maybe it's high time that I will be more strict.

You Better Get Out

To Whom It May Concerned,

I just want to inform you that you're hurt by what I had said because you know you're wrong. I want you to know that truth hurts and reality bites. If you don't want to hear anything bad about you, try to do something about your attitude, try to be sensitive, try to have an effort, have an urgency, to tell you honestly we don't need you, because it feels like you're just a flower vase there, doing nothing, just for display.

Well you better live by this rule. "Do not do unto others, what you don't want others to do unto you"
A taste of your own medicine huh?? Now you know how it feels to have someone like you.

I'm not Crazy, I just Had A Bad Day!

I had a very, very, very bad day this morning! I had experienced the worst morning shift in my entire week. I had faced a lot of problems since the start of my shift until the very end. I just wish I am like a doll--heartless, insensitive and numb. Sometimes I wish I were different, I wish I'm not too kind or too good. Sometimes, I just want to be someone who don't care, someone who just stand by at the sidelines, not who I am who always the one to solve others' problems, the someone everyone can lean on to, the someone who never get tired, the someone whose patience is beyond compare, but then, no matter how kind and good-hearted you are, you may reach your peak and eventually explode.

I am the kind of person that is truly kind and nice in nature, but once you've done something wrong, you've abused my kindness, then my kindness is not that big compared to my bad side. People never knew the real me, all they had seen is my kindness and sweetness, they had never seen the dark side of myself, the part where I could kick some butt and slap your face.

My patience is getting thinner.

I Badly Need One!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Smart phones, I badly need!

I don't know what happened to my phone, I need to turn it off a lot of times so that I could have a signal so that I could send and receive a message. I also need to turn it off so that I could not see this "insert sim card" on my phone screen.

I'm getting pissed off! I hate what's happening. I really need to save up just to have a new phone! It's so hard if you're poor.

Exam Making

Grrr!!! I thought answering exam papers are hard, but then its harder making the questions! I'm having a hard time constructing questions.

I've been staring at my monitor for almost over 2 hours, I wasn't able to create questions that will not that be easy and not too hard for my students.

Being a teacher is hard indeed! Especially when it's your first time!

Missing You So BAD!

 

 

feels like I'm this little child

I am single but I miss someone. I am single but each day I get to miss you. I just don't know what I feel for you, but you're special to me. I care for you, like the way I care for my family. I'm concerned about you, like the way I am with my best friend.  I don't really know who you are, I don't know you're entire background and life story. I don't know certain things about you, but all I know is we're friends. (If that's what you call it). You know what, sometimes I don't know what to say or do, whenever I'm in front of you. Sometimes I wanted to hate you but I just can't. Sometimes, I hate myself for treating you special when there's no way you could treat me like that.  Maybe I like you or maybe I'm just like this. I'm not expecting you to like me back, or reciprocate what I've done. I only want you happy, even if it's not with me. And one day I just hope that I could name this feeling, that I could be certain about it, maybe I'm falling for you, but then as what they say, there are people who look good together but we're never meant to be, never meant to stay forever. People say, we look good together but I know maybe, we're really not meant to be. It's okay, it's absolutely fine, at least there's a time in my life that I've liked someone who also gave me his attention for a while, even if it's only friendship that we have and that it will the only thing that will exist between us. Be happy and be strong, my superman. Just like the picture, everything is gray without you, cause you're like crayons, you color up my world, with you everything is technicolor.

Just remember, I'm always here for you.

-countess

I Ain't SUPERGIRL!!

I am only human, of flesh and blood I'm made. I'm only human, born to make mistakes.

I am just a girl, who happens to be good in something I do, who happens to be better than others before me. It is not a brag. I know my capabilities and I know what I can do. 

But sometimes, I need help too. I can't do everything in my power to please all the stations and the ER.  I can't just steal Naruto's kage-bunshin-nu-jutsu technique and divide myself to do everything.  But what if, you had done everything and the rest is doing nothing? What will you do, if you're patience snapped out? What will you do if you're too tired to do all the fighting? You need your side-kicks, you need some support. But what if, you can't get them???

Alone

What happened to team work? What happened to helping out each other?

I was really pissed off early. Sometimes, it is better to work alone than to be with someone who just looks at you instead of giving a hand. 

Sometimes, alone is better than the rest.

Sometimes, alone is faster than the others.

Sometimes, alone can do everything right without the others.

But sometimes, alone needs someone too.

Future?

I am a little girl, I am not afraid of the future, but I am worried about it. I am juggling two jobs now, a regular hospital pharmacist and a part-time instructor. I asked my students how much did they pay for their tuition fee and they told me, it's almost 32,000php for the first semester. I was like "oh no! That expensive?" Early this afternoon, the class were dismissed a little early. I had a friend, also a part-time instructor who told me that he needs to pay for his sister's tuition fee, and I asked him, how much will he pay, he said that he has to pay about 7,000php for pre-lim only. Then, I realized, if ever I will have a family in the future and I need to send my kids to school, how will I afford all of it? It's very, very expensive to send someone to school and in the future, if ever, what will I do?

Assume Nothing

Have you ever experience a situation where in your phone beeped and you're expecting it might be someone replying to your message or a very good news or someone you badly missed sent you a text, only to find out it came from your network service provider? I am always a victim of this situation, where in I am very much excited that someone is sending me a message and when I open it, it's just a crappy message from my provider. I just had it earlier, I was eating and then my phone beeped, and I was happy that someone remembered me but I just got frustrated seeing the usual number of my provider. Another lesson learned for me, never ever expect something, so that it will never be that painful and frustrating. Assume nothing and wait for something to come. We'll there's nothing wrong with being hopeful, we just need to be cautious.

Princess of Doom

I gave a quiz this afternoon, and the questions were very easy, even high school students could answer it. I was just wondering that some of my students got very low scores. Out of 20 questions they got 4. I am questioning myself if I had done everything for them, why is it, they can't answer my questions. Simple enumeration of the parts of a plant, they gave me nucleus, cytoplasm, etc. I was insulted, I was hurt! I will not lower my standards just for them, if they could be so hard to carry, I will be harder to pursue. We'll see later on who will win.

:)

I didn't stay up late to study when I was in school, but now I am oblige to study for other people. Shaping them to be one of the best pharmacist in the future. Being a teacher is not easy, it is harder than being a student and I salute all teachers in the world, for teaching students from different walks of life, different wavelengths, and understanding, it's hard to be patient with all the noise around. It's tiring to stand in front and talk for hours. I am now, happy that I am a teacher.

I'm Still Here

To whom it may concern I am not a charity case and I don't need your pity. I didn't ask for you to love me back, or I mean like me back. I didn't ask you to make friends with me, you were the one who ask me to be your friend, and being naturally good-natured, kind and sweet,I accepted you for who you are, I trusted you and I am being true to every words and actions I've said and done. I have no pretensions and I have no reason to do it. I don't know what is your real intentions towards me, is it purely friendship, do you like me but you're too shy to tell or is there something else? I don't want to assume and I don't want to presume, I just want to have a clear answer so that I will know my place, I will know my limitations and I will know your side of the story. I admit, I had a crush on you and I had been thinking about having you as my boyfriend in the near future, I believed when you said that you were single and you were not courting anyone, but then when I knew that you were in a relationship, that trust was broken, the like I had for you melted. I swore that I will never like you anymore, I didn't hate you for lying, I just don't like the way it turned out between us, but I never stopped being your friend, our communication had died when you had your relationship, but then when you broke up, you're here again, bugging me like nothing happened. I don't blame you because you didn't know that I like you and you don't have anything to do about it, its just that you don't have to be so sweet and act like you care when you actually don't. You don't have to be so kind, when all you want to do is walk away. You don't have to act like you like me to be your friend when I feel like I am the only one being a friend. I don't actually count the things I did and will be doing for you, because I am your friend and no matter what happen it will never change, it will never stop until you're the one who will push me away. I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did but then I don't want to tell you about it, and now, I am happy to say that I think, I just think that I will never ever have you, especially now that I think you're drifting away, that you're changing into someone new, someone I don't know. I may not know who you really are, I don't know all simple things a friend should know, but then I will always be here when you need me. My friends keep on telling me that we're good together but then, they're the only one who can notice, you will never ever notice me I know, cause in your heart, she's the only one you know, she's the only one you will give your heart to, I can't do anything about it and the only thing I know is, I am just here.

Bad Day!

I had a bad, bad day! I thought my day would end so well, but then as time pass by going to the end, it turned around. I will end up having a not-so-good-rainy-night.

nonsense

Staring blankly on my screen, finding words in my head. Searching for phrases that I've used to know, forming sentences that I want to say but then I just can't do it, I just can't. I keep on erasing the formed paragraphs I had made in my head, but then I really need to push my limits, my skills are getting rusty and my head is getting dull. I'm losing my touch and I'm losing my sharp mind. So, even if I am talking nonsense here, I'm just typing still, I just need to continue, maybe while forming these sentences I could form a very good paragraph or very good post about something. I am not in the mood by the way. I am very tired and very sleepy but then I just need to wake up, to finish something I have promised to do.

Confusing

I am wondering, sometimes you're good to me, while sometimes you don't even notice me. Sometimes, you communicate so often, while at times, you say nothing. I wonder if you feel the same way, or I am just assuming. You're really confusing me, I don't want to think about it anymore.

Tired and Weary

This week is one of the most tiring week for me, I had my off last Monday, from night duty then I had class on Tuesday and early this afternoon. I am very much tired and weary, I think I can never do this. I am a hospital pharmacist by day and a part-time teacher by afternoon. I wake up too early and sleep in the wee hours. I badly need rest! I don't know what to do, what's the first thing to be done and what will be my priority. I have 44 students and I'm not yet a pro when it comes to discipline and etc. I feel so bad early this morning, I got mad. I keep on thinking why is it that, there are really people who thinks highly of themselves, who thinks that they're the boss, who thinks that they are superior among the rest and who thinks that they can boss someone around. Who judge someone they do not know, who points there finger directly to someone without even knowing who they are. I have experienced a lot of misjudging and prejudging and I know that it is not easy and it is somewhat painful, being judged prior the knowing. I better get some rest now.

Super Girl Me!

I don't know if I could do all these things for the entire semester. I will be a full time hospital pharmacist and a part time teacher. I am very much aware of the stress and the sleepless nights I will have and all I can do is to pray that I can finish my sworn job. I really need to study not only for myself but for my students, so that I could teach them really well, and they could learn not only a thing or two but that they could learn a lot from me, I know I am still young and I am up for the challenge, I am up for the difficult times that lies ahead. I hope I will always be inspired so that I can feel so light and I wish I could always do the mind-over-matter-thing I'm always doing to tell myself that everything will always be fine in the end. Please pray for me, I badly need it!

=(

I am broke but I am happy.

Page Views eh?

I don't know if this blog is really read by anyone else aside from my followers (some of them are not active anymore though). I am always amazed by how my page views grow each time I open this site, and I had like more page views in the United States and even in Germany. Is this really true?

Affected Much!

Last time, I wasn't able to publish something because of the brown-out (I don't know what's the counterpart of this word--black out). I have a hard time controlling my body clock, and I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to take something just so I could sleep. It's been tough for me especially when I have a morning shift the next day, I could never get enough sleep, I'm still awake in the wee hours and still trying and doing my best just to get my eyes shut, sometimes I think, I could only take a nap because after a little while, my alarm would wake me up. I think I don't have any problems at all that may cause me insomnia, I just can't control my body to adjust.

Today, I cried. I don't know why because I'm not the kind of person that would easily cry, you can make me smile any second but it will take a lot of effort for you, for me to shed a tear. I cried because I am confused about something and I don't have any idea what is going on inside me. I am feeling so down and I am beginning to have some questions about my life and what I've done and been doing in the past 22 years of my existence, I've been contemplating about myself, if I had done something for someone, if I am of an inspiration to others, if I've been good or if I was mean to anyone. I am in a dilemma and I don't know who to share it with aside from this trash bin of mine. I don't know what I am supposed to do, what I am supposed to say and feel. I am like in the center of a maze, finding which way to go to reach the end, having some detours and high walls that block my way. I am thinking of the possibilities what would be my future is.

I am very much affected of the different things that's happening around me, but I know I will always get by with a big, big, smile on my face. I know, this time is one of the times that I need, so that I will learn new things about myself and to know more about what I like and don't like. Life is a journey they say, and it will always start in a single step, and I will take that single step to start and move forward.

=))

MISSING YOU GUYS

10-Day Challenge:10th Day! =)

ONE Person I Could Trust ✓ BIG DAD! =)

10-Day Challenge:9th Day! =)

TWO Things I Wish I Could Do ✈ To travel around the world ✈ To be in 2 places at once

10 Day Challenge: 8th Day! =)

THREE Words I can't Go A Day Without Saying ❇ Hello =) ❇ I'm home ❇ Amen.

10-Day Challenge: 7th Day!=)

FOUR Memories I can't Forget ★ April 11, 2000 (PDA heart surgery) ★ June 25, 2010 (Passed the RPh Board Exam) ★ Summer 20009 (internship in Pampanga) ★ February 14, 2010 (I met one of the most nicest guy I know)

CSI: Miami

My favorite show CSI:Miami had finished airing their season 10, and I find it so "bitin". I will miss this for sure, I had been a fan since the 1st episode up until the last one. I had seen their ups and downs, the cases they had, the arguments and the friendship. I had learned a lot from them, not only a little of forensics but in dealing with people and friends in real life, that no matter what happen they always have someone's backs. They will always have each other, through thick and thin, tough times and for times of celebration, their bond is strong and their determination were never lost. For me, having this show is not only for entertainment, it is to remind us, that there is always one truth, and with right evidences, no crime is left unpunished! CSI:Miami, thank you for the company when I can't sleep at night, for the inspiration and the things I've learned! It's definitely the show I will miss the most!

Azkals Won!

I want to congratulate the Azkals for winning their friendly game against Guam last night, June 12, 2012 at Pana-ad Park and Stadium, Bacolod City. Though I never had the chance to watch it live at the stadium, I had it on television. I was just waiting for my favorite Azkal player who always happen to be a bench, but then he's always be the one I'm waiting for to play. Misagh Bahadoran, thanks for being part of the Philippine team. =)

10-Day Challenge:6th Day! =)

FIVE Things I can't live Without εїз Oxygen εїз Food εїз Water εїз Shelter εїз Sleep

Thanks for the Inspiration (CRUSH)

"I can't pretend that I'm just a friend..." Are you guys back together again? Can somebody please explain something to me, what is happening and what is going on? I really need to know, so that I could stop waiting and try to move on. I know, I'm just a friend and it's not necessary for you to explain everything further, but you're making me confuse, you're making me feel like I'm someone special to you when in fact I am not, you're showing me something but you only mean one thing-FRIENDSHIP! Maybe, I'm just too blind to see, or maybe I'm too kind. Am I that transparent? I am feeling something, but I think it's not that great enough to say it's love. Maybe I'm just having a huge crush on you or an infatuation? Sooner or later it will be gone. I am wishing you happiness and better future in your real love's arms. Be happy always!

It's Your Birthday! =)

Let this post be offered to the one who celebrates his birthday today. I met you, last February 14,2011 during the new employees orientation. You and your friends were late while I was the 1st one to arrived. You were just wearing your jeans while I followed the formal attire. You belong to the 1st group while I'm in group 2. You were sitting on the left side of the aisle while I'm on the right but then we faced each other. You we're smiling while I was timidly shy. That was the first time we met, and that first time I just can't forget. September came and I need to have my annual physical exam. It was September 23 of the same year when we had the chance to meet again in person. I was scheduled to have my chest x-ray and as a radtech, you were also on duty at that same moment. You told me to wear my gown and I didn't know you will be the one who will take the xray. You offered me your bread, saying that you're giving everyone food. I said no, but thanks anyway. You took my xray and while taking it, you keep on talking (nonsense). I was just smiling and then you said, "don't worry it will look good, because you keep on smiling." Later that afternoon, we meet again, but not in the hospital but in SM. You told me, "oh! You're here again!" As I opened my FB page on my phone, I had a new friend request that needs to be confirmed. As there's no picture, only the name, I didn't confirm at first. When I went home and found out that you were the one, the confirm box were clicked. We became friends by then. On the day of my birthday, an unknown number sent me a birthday message (on my sun number) and I keep on asking who it was and the reply were just this smiley (:p). I had the intuition that it is you all along, until one day you admitted it was you and I was happy about it. You were sweet and funny, that maybe any girl could fall for you, then 1 day I admitted to myself that I am having a crush on you and I tried to hide and denied it, but then I just can't. December 4, 2011. I found out that you already had a girlfriend and she's coming back to Manila where she's working. You feel so sad and I know about it, but then I didn't know how to comfort you and ease the pain that you're feeling. Then, I realized I was hurting too. I don't know why but when we're not texting each other I missed you. I said to myself that I just want to make you happy even if it's not with me, I'll just remain to be your friend, someone who will be there when you need, to support and to give you strength. December 17, 2011. It's the employees' Christmas party and I was on stage dancing something very odd. Something that's not me. And you were there watching my every move. I didn't know that you were there, when I passed by, you said "you look good" then there's the thumping of my heart, not only because I was too shy to perform but because you actually saw what I had done. you texted me "grabe sayaw mo ba" and I was like, "OH MY GOD!!! I will never do it again, ever!" These were just some of the scenes we had that was etched on my memory, that no matter how much I tried to forget I just can't but instead I could remember every detail. You said, you're a free man now, but I still don't know what I am to you, I still don't know if you feel the same way too, because I know that you really love her, and whatever it was that caused your break-up, I don't have the right to know, all I know is she will always be a part of you, and if she's the one who makes you happy, so be it. I am always here, and if it's only friendship that we could have, I know I can deal with it, I am still too young, by the way and if you're just here to let me have something to learn, then I should learn from it. Because I still believe that there's a boy for every girl, so if you're not that boy, that means we we're meant to be friends, because friendship never ends, and it never stops, there's no break-ups and heartaches unless you fall in love. I want to greet you a happy happy birthday! Wishing you all the best in life, more birthdays to come, candles to blow,gifts to receive and years to count...Blessings to share and all the joys in the world! Because you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be blessed! Thanks for the friendship and the laughter we shared! Happy birthday padiwal!

Maligayang Araw ng Kalayaan

Ang Watawat ng Pilipinas Ngayon, Hunyo 12,2012 ay ipinagdidiwang natin ang ika-labing isang daan labing apat na taon ng pagiging malaya ng bansa. Ang ipinagkaiba lamang, dahil sa panahon ngayon hindi na lahat ng tao ay nagiging masaya sa kaalaman na ito ay bahagi ng ating kasaysayan. Ngayon, ang mga Pilipino ay parang walang pakialam sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa kanyang paligid. Hindi mo na makikita ang watawat ng Pilipinas sa mga sasakyan o establisamento at kung meron man, maaaari mo itong mabilang sa pamamagitan ng iyong mga daliri. Maraming nagsasabing mga banyaga na ang Pilipinas ay isang mayamang bansa lalo na sa kanyang kalikasan, dahil sa ating kalikasan at magagandang tanawin tayo ay dinadayo ng mga dayuhan. Pero, tayong mga Pilipino mismo ang hindi nakakakita kung gaano ka ganda ang ating bayan, hindi natin nakikita kung ano ang nakikita ng ibang taong hindi tagarito, tayo'y nagbubulag-bulagan sa mga maaaring maihatid sa atin ng ating mismong sinilangan. Datapwat ang nakikita natin ay ang mga mali ng ibang tao at mga katiwalian sa ating gobyerno, kung sa halip na tayo'y magtulungan para maihaon ang mga kababayan natin sa lugmok ng kahirapan, tayo mismo ang nagtutulak sa kanila sa mala-kumonoy na pamumuhay, ang hindi makaangat at makaahon sa kanilang kinatatayuan. Tama nga siguro ang kanilang mga sinabi na ang mga tao sa bansang ito, ay walang pagmamahal sa kanyang sariling bansa at wika, walang nahuhumaling sa sariling atin. Hindi ko lubos maisip bakit ang ibang bansa na noong una ay mas mahirap pa sa Pilipinas ay ngayon bahagi na ng mga pinakamayang bansa sa mundo, ang hindi nabiyayaan ng kalikasan ay mas dinadayo pa. Inaamin ko, kahit ganito ang bayan ko, mahal ko ito. Kahit ganito pa ang gobyerno na kinagisnan ko, mahal ko pa rin ang Pilipinas at ako'y nasisiyahan dahil Pilipino ako, dahil naniniwala ako na ang mga PILIPINO ay isa sa bansang may pinakamatalinong mga tao, dahil naniniwala parin ako na makakaahon ang Pilipinas, at hindi lamang dahil kay Manny Pacquiao or Jessica Sanchez ang makikilala sa buong mundo kundi ang iba pang mga PINOY na kagaya mo at kagaya ko. Ako'y palaging naiiiyak sa tuwing maririnig ko ang pambansang awit, dahil ito ay hindi na maalis sa aking sistema. Sana sa iyo rin, huwag mong kalimutan na ikaw ay ipinanganak at lumaki sa bansang ito, at sana ipagmalaki mo na ang lahi mo, ay lahing Pilipino! Ako'y isang Pinoy, sa isip, sa salita at sa gawa at mahal ko ang Pilipinas, ang aking lupang sinilangan! =)

10-Day Challenge:5th Day! =)

SIX Songs That I'm Addicted To ♫ Haengbok by Super Junior ♫ Body Language by Jesse McCartney ♫ A Lonely September by Plain White T's ♫ Jian Dan Ai by Jay Chou ♫ Love Light by CN Blue ♫ With A Smile by E-Heads

10-Day Challenge:4th Day!! =)

SEVEN Fears or Phobias ☩ Losing my loved ones ☩ Missing a Sunday Mass ☩ To be reprimanded ☩ Deep waters with sharks (LOL) ☩ Seeing someone die in front of me ☩ Losing my faith ☩ Angry Parents (ROFL)

10-DAY Challenge:3rd Day! =)

EIGHT Things That Annoy You ✠ PRIDE (people who are had engulfed too much of this) ✠ BIZBOX (hang) ✠ NURSES (arrogantly stupid) ✠ LAZY ✠ STUPID things and people ✠ SLOW CONNECTION ✠ CHAIN MESSAGES ✠ RUDE

Early Morning Walk

Last Friday, I had my night shift duty (10pm-6am). I wasn't able to sleep before hand because our former pharmacist came home from Saudi and she treated us for dinner, so before heading for duty we had a little reunion. We had a smooth sailing duty and I was happy about it, because I had done my very best to stay awake until the end, (I am not taking a nap, whenever I am on duty because I am not being paid to sleep). I was out a little after six in the morning and was planning to walk until Botikang Pinoy, where I will get my friend's precious umbrella (I was being nagged). Then, I changed my mind, I walked up to our home. I had made 6,054 steps within 1 hour and 4 minutes and according to my pedometer, I lost about 259 calories. I just took a power nap and then woke up again, because I had promised an appointment with the talaba club. I was the one who opened all of this. So proud! =)

10-DAY Challenge: 2nd Day! =)

NINE THINGS YOU DO EVERYDAY ✿ Take a bath. ✿ Brush my teeth. ✿ Eat. ✿ Duty. ✿ Type the keyboard. ✿ Walk. ✿ Listen to music. ✿ Smile. ✿ PRAY. NP: Queen of My Heart

10-DAY Challenge: 1st day! =)

TEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF ❀ I'm a FILIPINO and I am proud to be one! =) ❀ I love animes, asian stuffs, asian songs and cultures. ❀ A certified chocoholic and sweet tooth. ❀ A frustrated detective/secret agent/spy. ^^ ❀ I love music and numbers, I like arts but it's just a one-way-love-affair (arts didn't like me back since then) =( ❀ I love to read and my passion is writing. n_n ❀ I love to watch videos of Ryan Higa, Kevjumba, WongFu Pro, and other asian youtubers ❀ I love to travel and have some wonderful adventures. ❀ I can't live a day without smiling though I'm in a bad mood. =) ❀ Lastly, I'm a PHARMACIST. This is my calling, this is my pride. NP: When You Look Me In The Eyes

10-DAY Challenge!

I got this from a friend's blog and I had it, on my drafts a long time ago! I can't sleep at this moment so maybe I could finish this "10-Day Challenge" as soon as possible. LOL Day One: Ten random facts about yourself. Day Two: Nine things you do everyday. Day Three: Eight things that annoy you. Day Four: Seven fears/phobias. Day Five: Six songs that you’re addicted to. Day Six: Five things you can’t live without. Day Seven: Four memories you won’t forget. Day Eight: Three words you can’t go a day without using. Day Nine: Two things you wish you could do. Day Ten: One person you can trust. So maybe, I can do it within one day?? Let's see!

Morning Rant! Not So GOOD!

Yesterday, I was soooo mad (as in super mad) early in the morning! I was early for work, before six in the morning I was already saying my morning prayers in the chapel asking for guidance and patience. When I entered the room, said my usual morning greetings, I saw that there's a lot of cost center slips (what we call for the charge slips for in-patients)on the table, and the nurses were lining up at the counter. I put down my bag and logged in my access. The night duty pharmacist and the P.A. were having some little argument about a patient whom they can't see the profile on the list, they were typing the name all over again but then to no avail, so I butt in because I can't take their lack of initiative. Then presto, poof! there it is in an instant! (I'm becoming impatient, but then I didn't mind) I sat down then, the phone rang! I was like hoping she would answer the phone but then she just didn't care at all. So I answered it, and like the other days after you put it down, it will ring again, and I was right! I was answering phone calls while rendering the the requisitions from the stations and I was like multitasking! While she's just there, waiting for me to tell her to go home! But then, I didn't say a thing. What made me angry the most was when I saw the requisition time. There are a lot of requests from 2am and onwards. The total count was more than thirty and there's a lot of unprepared charge slips! Feels like we're being bombarded with papers and a lot of papers coming up! I feel so bad, I lost my grip. I asked the clerk if they were busy, and she gave me a crappy answer like "yeah, we we're. We we're having phone calls from the E.R. and stations, and there's a lot of requisitions" so I snapped back "why? There's only 1 person doing the rendering?" She answered me with lies in her eyes "no, we were also helping, maybe the ones you rendered were new" that was it!! (I really need to tell them,I am angry) "NO!!! They were not! I had rendered a lot of requisitions and I saw the time, it was 2:14am and onwards." I blew up, because it's not the 1st time that they did it to me, and to the others. They were so busy sleeping that they forgot they've got responsibilities to attend to. They were to caught up chatting about nonsense all over again. They were not focusing their attention to what should be their priorities. They were not using their initiative and mind, and I can't stand it any longer, it's not because they left me a lot to do early in the morning, it's just that, it affects not only me but the whole department. They were just thinking about themselves, they were not thinking about the people who will be left behind. I am also having night duties and before I leave I make sure that I did my job, that I had endorsed everything well before going home, that I had done what should be done, even if it is not written in my job description, even if I am not paid for it, even if no one sees me doing good things. I am just doing what should pharmacists do. I just love my job despite the low salary. I am just so happy that I got a job that's suited for what I've studied and learned. I was just appreciating every single thing I have without thinking of something to be gained. I am working because I love to work, I love my work and not because of something else. I hope they could do the same, I know that everyone is unique, that everyone thinks differently, that we can't tell somebody to change their ways, but then I just hope that they would love their job and upgrade the profession. I hope they act professionally and would not think only of their own self, but others too. I just don't know why people always ask for a salary increase without assessing their own work, and those people who always make "reklamos" were the ones whose not doing their job properly, the ones whose absences and lates were very remarkable, the ones who always rant about their schedules and the ones whose jobs you need to do again. And what I hate the most is, they were older than me, and they should be the role models not the one being told about. They should be the one teaching the younger ones and not the other way. Honestly, it is better to be with the newbies, than being with the oldies, because the newbies knows how to follow protocol and instructions, they know how to decide and to do their work without complaining, while the oldies are more like looking and just sitting there doing nothing, knowing nothing and feeling like a complete fool, contented of what they knew and plain working for the sake of the salary not because they love being a pharmacist. I am happy and proud that I am a pharmacist and I make a difference, not only to myself but to others as well, I am happy that I am being looked up to and I am so happy that I gain the trust of the higher management and happy that they see me as a valued employee! I just hope that others will be considerate enough. AMEN!

Before Coming Back

I saw this on my drafts..wasn't able to published it the last time! I don't know if I'm the only one feeling this way, but then I just can't take it anymore. I need an outlet for this emotion I have right now. My vacation is almost over and I need to get back to work in a few days time. I will be hearing the non-stop ringing of the phones,the screaming voices of the nurses and the loud banging sound of the phone being slammed, I will get to see the grumpy faces of the not-so-beautiful-and-handsome-nurses. Their sour faces outside the glass window and their crisp comments. Sometimes I wonder, if it is only the RNs in our "prestigious" hospital that act this way or is it all over the country. I am always asking myself why they act in a not-so-good-manner or are we (RPh) just too good for them that they're insecure of us. A little help please!

How Sad

I don't really know what to say and what to think. I'm just too tired to understand how the hell did they do it. I don't know their reasons and I don't know why they had to murder someone. A doctor here in Bacolod was murdered days ago, and frankly speaking he's a relative of ours (but we're not that close but he was with my sister doc). It was all over the news and there's a lot of version coming out. Yes, he was definitely a gay, but then he can't do the things he was accused of. Then, the brutal video came out, the suspects were the one who set up the camera and they had it all planned out. They were so high in drugs and their minds were all fogged up. I am so sad and I feel so bad about it, about what happened to my poor grandfather. He was a very good doctor, he was kind. I just can't believe that people like these murderers really do exists in our world, and I really hope that if they can live on earth and do these miserable things to others, if they can't be locked up in jail because the other one is a minor, I really, really hope that they will rot in hell and they will experience the pain and agony that never cease. I am praying for justice and peaceful rest for Dr. Andres Gumban Jr. You will always be remembered. I am praying for the fast acceptance of his family,friends and colleagues. I am praying for the soul of the killers. I am praying for the conscience of the mastermind (if there was). I am praying for everyone that it may not happen and it will never happen to anyone.

Acetaminophen = Paracetamol

I don't know what I should do with ignorant people. A nurse called my fellow RPh telling her to serve the patient acetaminophen, so the pharmacist checked the patient drug profile and told the nurse that the patient was given ALVEDON as the brand. The nurse asked the pharmacist why is it that the patient was given Alvedon when in fact the order was acetaminophen, so he was answered that acetaminophen and paracetamol are the same, that in the states it was called acetaminophen and in our country it is paracetamol. Here is the conversation they had: IGNORANT nurse: teh kilanlan pa gali sang patient magpa states para maka bakal acetaminophen. HUMBLE pharmacist: sir, wala ta acetaminophen diri sa Pilipinas, kay paracetamol na siya, parehas lang na sila. Kay kung sa states ka, wala man na to sila paracetamol. Basi ang doctor na nagprescribed sa States nag practice and na carry over ya lang diri ang acetaminophen. IN: teh ano ang mga brand sang acetaminophen bi? HP: Tylenol pero 500mg ang order so gin gaan siya Alvedon. IN: basta sure ka na isa lang na sila kay bag-o lang ko kabalo na ang acetaminophen kag paracetamol parehas lang, bal-an mo may liver failure na ang patient, indi na siya pwede magaan paracetamol, kung ano matabo sa patient ikaw masabat? HP: oo, sure ko, kag kabalo na ang doctor. kung amo ni tanan na nurse ka ignorante, ano na lang matabo? Just because you didn't know that acetaminophen and paracetamol are the same you will not believe the pharmacist? Lihog lang da ah, daw ikaw pa kabalo sa pharmacist ba, halin sang 1st year kami ya, amo na na gina liwat liwat sa amon, ikaw ya bag-o pa lang kabalo na rihas lang sila? tani nag thank you ka man lang sa information na nabal-an mo. Lihog lang basa-basa man ay... Kay kung kamo magsala daw wala lang eh no? kay kung kami magsala big deal dayon! Amo na dutay lang pharmacist, kay dutay lang may common sense kag maalam, ang kabalo manumdum. amo na damo nurse kay damo man kamo tanga mo. kay kung indi kamo tanga, wala kamo nag kwa nursing, kay kabalo kamo na ang inyo census high kag ang ma accomodate sa inyo na work gamay lang, madas-ok gid kamo, teh diin tupa niyo? CALL CENTER! Tani nag isip kamo na, kung maging nurse ko sa ulihi, diin ko ma ubra, kag pila ang akon opponents sa slot? teh kung nagpharmacist kamo, damo pa kamo ubrahan, ligwa pa ang botika kag hospital, damo ga open na pharmacy schools, may pharmaceutical labs pa. Indi man sa suya or sa pagpakanubo sa kapwa ko professionals, pero subong lang gid ko kasapo mga professionals man tuod pero daw wala ka agi breeding. (if you just knew the attitude of the vip doctors and nurses in the hospital I work, you will understand what I feel and what I'm talking about). That's why I never regret and will never ever regret the profession I chose! Kung may LPU man gid na RPh ilisipon lang, pero damo gid pulugpugon na RN.