Last time, I wasn't able to publish something because of the brown-out (I don't know what's the counterpart of this word--black out). I have a hard time controlling my body clock, and I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to take something just so I could sleep. It's been tough for me especially when I have a morning shift the next day, I could never get enough sleep, I'm still awake in the wee hours and still trying and doing my best just to get my eyes shut, sometimes I think, I could only take a nap because after a little while, my alarm would wake me up. I think I don't have any problems at all that may cause me insomnia, I just can't control my body to adjust.
Today, I cried. I don't know why because I'm not the kind of person that would easily cry, you can make me smile any second but it will take a lot of effort for you, for me to shed a tear. I cried because I am confused about something and I don't have any idea what is going on inside me. I am feeling so down and I am beginning to have some questions about my life and what I've done and been doing in the past 22 years of my existence, I've been contemplating about myself, if I had done something for someone, if I am of an inspiration to others, if I've been good or if I was mean to anyone. I am in a dilemma and I don't know who to share it with aside from this trash bin of mine. I don't know what I am supposed to do, what I am supposed to say and feel. I am like in the center of a maze, finding which way to go to reach the end, having some detours and high walls that block my way. I am thinking of the possibilities what would be my future is.
I am very much affected of the different things that's happening around me, but I know I will always get by with a big, big, smile on my face. I know, this time is one of the times that I need, so that I will learn new things about myself and to know more about what I like and don't like. Life is a journey they say, and it will always start in a single step, and I will take that single step to start and move forward.
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