Some memories are forgotten but there are memories that no matter what will happen will never be erased, will never fade. Sometimes, we want to have amnesia (selective, will be the best type) just to make sure that the experienced or the memories we had will be gone, so that the pain or the frustration we had will be ease. It is not easy for humans to forget painful experiences, mistakes or faults of others, betrayal or other forms of negative thoughts or ideas that will surely lead to tears or hatred.
As what others say, "a thousand good deeds will be long forgotten by a single mistake" I posted this blog because I can't seem to understand other people's sentiments, why they act that way and why they react in that matter. I am obviously not the best student or the best person in this whole wide world, I believe and I truly know that I am not perfect and I am not trying to be one. I just feel so bad.
I feel so hurt being called a SPOILED BRAT because I know I am not that kind. If what she means by SPOILED BRAT is somewhat negative then who is she to judge me? Who is she to say that I am "bastos" and that I was not trained or raised well? I am so hurt, because I know that I never done something wrong, especially to her and then she will tell the head that I am the one who laughed at her? I even said sorry to her even if I did not do something bad, just to ease the tension and forget what happened. But then, the relationship will never be back, because I was judge and that impression will last for her.
It happened last February during the PSHP convention in Manila, the venue was in Manila Hotel. We had a break, so that we could line up for the freebies, "motherhen", "miss J" and I represented our hospital. "Motherhen" was talking to some sales representative she knows while "miss J" and I lined up for the freebies. We didn't know the "MH" was looking for us, "miss J" tapped my shoulder and said, "oh, naglabay si MH", but when I got her message MH was far already, we laughed it out because we thought that she was also looking for some shorter line to get some frebbies. But then, when we got back on our table, MH said that she was looking for us, and I said "huo, nakita ka gani namon, wala ka namon gin tawag" and she took it negatively, I really thought that she was going to line up, who would have thought that in a closed hall, with a hundred or so people here and there, you will walk and check each line just to look for us? (What happened to call and text? What happened to the cellphone?) Then, after it, Miss J laughed hard and I laughed too because I got carried away by her laughter, and she thought that we were just laughing at her, she said "sunggod ko sa inyo, wala niyo gid ko gintawag, ginpanaguan niyo pa ko, kag ginakadlawan niyo lang" so I answered her "wala ka namon ginpanaguan ah, wala man ko ya kabalo na gina pangita mo kami kay wala ka man nag text. si Miss J naka kita sa imo ya, ulihi ta na ka nakita, layo ka na. Ngaa ginapangita mo kami aw? kay bal-an mo man na ara lang man kami ga linya" and then the tension was already there "ano ta kamo bala ya aw? responsibilidad ta kamo, basi kung diin na kamo nag kadto, sugid ta gid kamo kay HEAD, gapasaway kamo sa akon." So I say sorry to her, cause I know that she's angry and I thought after what happened everything will be okay, that everything will be like it was before. But then I thought wrong!!!
I really really thought wrong! I have proved it yesterday, when she mentioned what happened months before all over again! I was so shocked that she could still remember it. I don't really know what to do, I don't know if she's talking to me wholeheartedly or in a civil way. What's more ironic is, she could find every little fault in somebody else but then she can't even control her own children. Whew!
Lord, I am entrusting to you every pain, disappointments and frustrations, every bad memories and unwanted experience. Let Your Spirit be within me, lengthen my patience and widen my understanding. Give me knowledge and wisdom to think before I act and let me forgive those people who have wronged me, and may they find it in their hearts to forgive others and forget the past. Please guide me in every decisions and every endeavors I have to face. Let your will be done, and let me be an instrument of your peace and love. I offer you everything, from my joys and happiness to my sorrows and crosses. I know that you will always be there for me, because I know that you love your daughter, your princess, and I will forever yours my Big DAD. AMEN.
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