I don't know what I am feeling right now, I feel so tired, depressed, excited yet I feel so different. I feel so incomplete. I feel so ALONE.

Yes, tomorrow is my birthday, but I feel that it is will be just an ordinary day like just any other day, the only fact is, I was born this day, 23 years ago. Time pass by so fast that I happen not to notice that I am turning 23 in a few hours. Still, I don't know what I want, and I don't know what I feel. Maybe, today is the worst feeling I have. :(

basta indi gid ko kabalo sang akon nabatyagan, kag indi ko maichindihan ang akon na feel. hayz!

Can't Sleep

I need sleep because I will have my early morning shift tomorrow, as well as class in the afternoon! I want to sleep but then I just can't. I don't know why. I feel so sleepy yet I can't close my eyes. I miss you already! :( I can't deny this no more. I am under your spell, without knowing I fell for you again. Why oh why? Bakit sa iyo pa? Bakit ikaw pa? Kung alam ko na man na ni minsan hindi mo ako nagustuhan at hinding hindi mo magugustuhan. Hindi ako ang weakness ko, pero ikaw ang weakness ko. Hindi kita pinangarap pero ano ba itong ginagawa mo? Alam ko namang wala akong aasahan sa iyo, pero hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong gustuhin ka, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong mahalin kang muli kahit pa na alam ko naman na may ibang mahal ka. :'(

I wish, everything will be alright for my birthday, everything will be fine, everything will be okay. I wish happiness, love and peace, especially the peace of mind. I wish that everything will fall into place.

This month, I am short in post. =(

I wish, to be with my friends, the true and best ones. I wish that I could see my future in a happy spirit. I wish that I could face my fears and live my life in the fullest.

Why Don't You Try?

Sometimes, I am wondering if you and I have something going on between us, but I know we don't have anything, sometimes you act so sweet while at times you act differently. Sometimes, you say words I never expected you to say, and sometimes I expect to hear something from you, but I heard nothing. Sometimes I am wondering why I miss you though there were never a time that we see each other. Sometimes I am wondering why I get jealous where in fact there is no reason why I should. I am wondering why are we like this, though we have nothing to wonder. Because you and I are just plain friends. Maybe, just maybe those little conversations we are having gives me joy, happiness I just can't explain, those little talk about our future make we want to try it out with you, I know that you are not my ideal guy, where in fact you are the total opposite of what I wanted. But then, I just can't help falling in love with you for the nth time. You know me very well and I know you too, but then I am still afraid, because you never said anything about liking me, you always like someone else, those girls that's on your league, while I am just there by your side, as always, as a friend. I am afraid to cross the line, because if I do, I am afraid to lose the friendship that we have, the friendship that I am taking care of, the friendship that is my only connection to you. I am afraid that if I do, we'll lose the friendship and the connection, I am just too damn afraid to lose you, despite the fact that you will lose more if I do.You know, despite the fact that I know you so well, it didn't hinder me from liking you. Now, you will be away for months and I don't know what will happen, I just wish you good luck, God bless and be safe always. By the way, why don't we try it being together when you get back?

See You When I See You

Yes, maybe I just see you whenever I see you, whenever there's a chance of meeting you, I believe that I told you, "if we're meant to be, we will be together, maybe not now but maybe forever." I still believe that if we are not together now, maybe we will be in the future, so better behave there. I will wait for you.

Are You One of Them?

Why is it that there are really people who are fond of talking behind your back? Whose only purpose here on earth is to talk sh*t (sorry for the foul word) about you, whose sole objective is to bring you down. Who likes to say words against you, who curse you without your knowing, why do they exist when in fact, we don't actually need them to make this world a better place. I don't want to be mean or something, but I just let karma do it on its own time.

In every person's life story, there will always be a wicked witch, jealous sisters, envious friends, one true love, fairy god-mothers, and you will always get hurt, but then you should learn how to stand up and fight. Besides, if you're not happy, then it's not yet the end of the story, because every story should end up happy, life goes on and we also need to move on, just like the pages of the book, every page is important, the book will be dull and without spice if there's a ripped page or two. You can never call it complete, its always the same with our days, one single day is always important in our life, because it makes up our story, it is a part of it, so always make your day worthy and always enjoy every moment! It will never happen again twice! =)

I think I am Falling For you Again

This letter is addressed to you.

You,

     We've known each other quite some time now, and we've talked a lot of things about this and that, everything under the sun and the moon, thinking of the future, but unlike lovers, we talked about our future separately. We talked about your family and mine. You always talk about the girl you want to marry while I am always listen very carefully, supporting your plans and agreeing with what you have in mind. You always talk about things you want to do with her, and your future babies, while I am just staring in the monitor whenever we are chatting, thinking of words and things to say to you, because every time we chat I feel so happy inside, I know I shouldn't but then little by little, my suppressed feelings for you are getting and getting so hard to resist.

   Do you still remember those times when you were the one who always waking me up in the morning? Those times when you said those three words every single sentence you said? Those times when you promised that I will be yours forever? But then, despite our happy times, the sad part came, we didn't break up because we never had the so-called relationship, we had our understandings, but then it never came to a point that we were committed. I admit I had loved you since then, and I don't know if I still do right now. I am very much confused of my feelings for you, we are friends, close enough but sometimes, I wanted it to be more than that, but then you're always telling me that you like someone and I know it will never be me. I know that you are just seeing me as a friend, that someone you could lean on, that someone who will listen to you, but not someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with, not someone whom you can call yours and yours alone. I know that I am not your ideal girl and you are not my ideal man either. You are the total opposite of what I want. And it hurts to know the fact that we could never have our own love story to be told.

    Why do I always end up getting hurt if all I do is to love someone? Why do I always end up being alone, and left behind when all I need is to be there by their side? Why do I always end up broken, when all I do is fixing things up? Why am I still single?

What a Crab

Why is it that there are just some people who are not happy when you achieve something? When you are superior and above them? When you are better than them? Why can't they just be happy and make you as an inspiration?

There are people who are bashing you, especially when you are not around. I don't know what's with them that they keep on comparing you and them, that they get so indifferent about so many things and they get to be jealous on your winnings and achievements? When all they can see are the things you do and didn't do. I don't know how to treat them, especially if their mouths are bigger than their brains. Is it my fault if I am good in everything that I do? Am I at fault if I am just smarter than them? If I am loved by everybody around and everybody hates them? Is it my parents' fault that they taught me very well with manners and values? Who are they to question who I am when in fact they didn't know who I really am. Is it my fault if I am trustworthy enough? Then, they better do better than me, they better do their job really well.

Sometimes, I am thinking if "Am I that good, to be envied at?" Because I am just doing my job well, obviously years of experience is not enough reason to learn, sometimes initiative,values and knowledge matters. Sorry, I am not lifting any chair, but I know I am better than they are and I know that I could do better than them. Sorry if I am smarter. But I just want to thank you, for making me realize what a better person I am. And I just want to let you know, age don't matter in line of work. I may be younger than you do, and you may be my senior but then let me tell you, it doesn't matter because you're acting like my junior. Thanks for the effort and for making me stress.

I want to thank God, that despite everything, He still loves me and blessed me! Thanks for the knowledge and the ability. =)

I Wish!

iPod touch 5th generation

I had been planning to buy an iPod touch from the beginning, but then I just can't seem to buy it. I had already ordered but, then something came up and wasn't able to finish the transaction. I really wanted to have an iTouch but circumstances were very uncooperative.

Then, I heard the news about the new generation of this thing. And I could always wait, a little longer will not hurt. I had read all the specs and I really, really love it. So, maybe I should find something new to give myself for my birthday, and I will reserve this future baby of mine for Christmas.

By the way, I can't afford to buy the iPhone 5s, so I will just settle with the 5th generation of this iPod touch. And I am calling out to Santa, I had been very good this year, and all I want is to have this thing, it doesn't matter if I'm single, as long as I have my "baby" I will be fine. =)

lihog lang

I am a teacher, well partly I am. I love to teach, I love to impart my learnings to the new aspiring pharmacy students. I was ready for everything that may happen in the future. What I am not ready about was the fact that I had a class full of irresponsible and disrespectful students. And I really, really hate it when they act like brats.

September 11, I promised to blog, I promised to post something in my trashbin, but I wasn't able to do so, because I was too tired to open a single page of my browser and I was so sick that I really need to rest. I was alone, my co-teacher was absent because he had to go somewhere. I am in front of almost 40 students and I asked them, "class did you bring the specimens, your Sir Rommel asked you to bring?" and they answered a big N-O. There are 6 groups and not a single group brought a single specimen. Sino ba namang teacher ang hindi maiinis sa kanyang mga iresponsableng estudyante? As I recall, when I was still in college, I believed we were so noisy back then, we were obviously pasaway, and sometimes hard-headed too. But then, when a teacher ask us to bring something for lab work, no matter how hard it is to find, we could bring it to school, we were so afraid for a single 1 point deduction in our grades. We were friends with our teachers outside the room, but we respected them inside the room. We know our limitations as a student. We feel ashamed when we got low in our exams and quizzes. Hindi namin pinangungunahan ang aming mga guro, we never asked them to meet us and have class in our convenient time, we were waiting patiently for our scheduled class to come.

I am so stressed with these type of students. Students who doesn't even know the course they took, students who doesn't know how to respect, how to listen and students who doesn't know how to answer a simple question. Students who doesn't know how to copy notes, who doesn't have initiative... Basta students na isusumpa mo na lang na mabagsak sa class mo. ang feeling na gusto mo silang lahat mawala sa paningin mo dahil nakakirita ang mga ugali nila, porke't mayaman kung umasta anak ng presidente, at kahit pa anak sila ng kung sino mang poncio pilato, hinding hindi ko sila uurungan, hinding hindi ko sila palalampasin. Tingnan natin sa finals..

Students ko, naka iPhone, naka iPad, naka Samsung. Halos lahat sila mayaman, ngunit parang halos lahat din sa kanila walang kwenta. Iyong tipong, kailangan mo pa talagang pukpukin, o di kaya nag-aabang nalang na subuan mo. At kung makakopya sa kaklase wagas, harap harapan, walang takot. kami nga kahit walang answer ayos lang, dahil alam naman namin na kami rin ang mawawalan. Maybe it's high time to get the "strict-side" of my past teachers.

magkita na lang tayo sa dulo ng ballpen ko! wala na talagang awa ito! huwag na huwag niyo akong subukan, dahil kayo rin ang mawawalan.

My Month

It's the tenth day of September and it will be my first post.  I should have posted from the 1st day of the month but then I wasn't able to and I know it is entirely my fault.

I have a lot of happy thoughts and experiences, I had received a lot of blessings and gifts. It is my birth-month and I am looking forward for more adventures. I am so speechless right now, not because I am still in fantasyland but because I am too damn tired and my brain is not functioning that well.

I will be back tomorrow, and the day after and the day after and so on. I promise I will be back!