nonsense

Staring blankly on my screen, finding words in my head. Searching for phrases that I've used to know, forming sentences that I want to say but then I just can't do it, I just can't. I keep on erasing the formed paragraphs I had made in my head, but then I really need to push my limits, my skills are getting rusty and my head is getting dull. I'm losing my touch and I'm losing my sharp mind. So, even if I am talking nonsense here, I'm just typing still, I just need to continue, maybe while forming these sentences I could form a very good paragraph or very good post about something. I am not in the mood by the way. I am very tired and very sleepy but then I just need to wake up, to finish something I have promised to do.

Confusing

I am wondering, sometimes you're good to me, while sometimes you don't even notice me. Sometimes, you communicate so often, while at times, you say nothing. I wonder if you feel the same way, or I am just assuming. You're really confusing me, I don't want to think about it anymore.

Tired and Weary

This week is one of the most tiring week for me, I had my off last Monday, from night duty then I had class on Tuesday and early this afternoon. I am very much tired and weary, I think I can never do this. I am a hospital pharmacist by day and a part-time teacher by afternoon. I wake up too early and sleep in the wee hours. I badly need rest! I don't know what to do, what's the first thing to be done and what will be my priority. I have 44 students and I'm not yet a pro when it comes to discipline and etc. I feel so bad early this morning, I got mad. I keep on thinking why is it that, there are really people who thinks highly of themselves, who thinks that they're the boss, who thinks that they are superior among the rest and who thinks that they can boss someone around. Who judge someone they do not know, who points there finger directly to someone without even knowing who they are. I have experienced a lot of misjudging and prejudging and I know that it is not easy and it is somewhat painful, being judged prior the knowing. I better get some rest now.

Super Girl Me!

I don't know if I could do all these things for the entire semester. I will be a full time hospital pharmacist and a part time teacher. I am very much aware of the stress and the sleepless nights I will have and all I can do is to pray that I can finish my sworn job. I really need to study not only for myself but for my students, so that I could teach them really well, and they could learn not only a thing or two but that they could learn a lot from me, I know I am still young and I am up for the challenge, I am up for the difficult times that lies ahead. I hope I will always be inspired so that I can feel so light and I wish I could always do the mind-over-matter-thing I'm always doing to tell myself that everything will always be fine in the end. Please pray for me, I badly need it!

=(

I am broke but I am happy.

Page Views eh?

I don't know if this blog is really read by anyone else aside from my followers (some of them are not active anymore though). I am always amazed by how my page views grow each time I open this site, and I had like more page views in the United States and even in Germany. Is this really true?

Affected Much!

Last time, I wasn't able to publish something because of the brown-out (I don't know what's the counterpart of this word--black out). I have a hard time controlling my body clock, and I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't want to take something just so I could sleep. It's been tough for me especially when I have a morning shift the next day, I could never get enough sleep, I'm still awake in the wee hours and still trying and doing my best just to get my eyes shut, sometimes I think, I could only take a nap because after a little while, my alarm would wake me up. I think I don't have any problems at all that may cause me insomnia, I just can't control my body to adjust.

Today, I cried. I don't know why because I'm not the kind of person that would easily cry, you can make me smile any second but it will take a lot of effort for you, for me to shed a tear. I cried because I am confused about something and I don't have any idea what is going on inside me. I am feeling so down and I am beginning to have some questions about my life and what I've done and been doing in the past 22 years of my existence, I've been contemplating about myself, if I had done something for someone, if I am of an inspiration to others, if I've been good or if I was mean to anyone. I am in a dilemma and I don't know who to share it with aside from this trash bin of mine. I don't know what I am supposed to do, what I am supposed to say and feel. I am like in the center of a maze, finding which way to go to reach the end, having some detours and high walls that block my way. I am thinking of the possibilities what would be my future is.

I am very much affected of the different things that's happening around me, but I know I will always get by with a big, big, smile on my face. I know, this time is one of the times that I need, so that I will learn new things about myself and to know more about what I like and don't like. Life is a journey they say, and it will always start in a single step, and I will take that single step to start and move forward.

=))

MISSING YOU GUYS

10-Day Challenge:10th Day! =)

ONE Person I Could Trust ✓ BIG DAD! =)

10-Day Challenge:9th Day! =)

TWO Things I Wish I Could Do ✈ To travel around the world ✈ To be in 2 places at once

10 Day Challenge: 8th Day! =)

THREE Words I can't Go A Day Without Saying ❇ Hello =) ❇ I'm home ❇ Amen.

10-Day Challenge: 7th Day!=)

FOUR Memories I can't Forget ★ April 11, 2000 (PDA heart surgery) ★ June 25, 2010 (Passed the RPh Board Exam) ★ Summer 20009 (internship in Pampanga) ★ February 14, 2010 (I met one of the most nicest guy I know)

CSI: Miami

My favorite show CSI:Miami had finished airing their season 10, and I find it so "bitin". I will miss this for sure, I had been a fan since the 1st episode up until the last one. I had seen their ups and downs, the cases they had, the arguments and the friendship. I had learned a lot from them, not only a little of forensics but in dealing with people and friends in real life, that no matter what happen they always have someone's backs. They will always have each other, through thick and thin, tough times and for times of celebration, their bond is strong and their determination were never lost. For me, having this show is not only for entertainment, it is to remind us, that there is always one truth, and with right evidences, no crime is left unpunished! CSI:Miami, thank you for the company when I can't sleep at night, for the inspiration and the things I've learned! It's definitely the show I will miss the most!

Azkals Won!

I want to congratulate the Azkals for winning their friendly game against Guam last night, June 12, 2012 at Pana-ad Park and Stadium, Bacolod City. Though I never had the chance to watch it live at the stadium, I had it on television. I was just waiting for my favorite Azkal player who always happen to be a bench, but then he's always be the one I'm waiting for to play. Misagh Bahadoran, thanks for being part of the Philippine team. =)

10-Day Challenge:6th Day! =)

FIVE Things I can't live Without εїз Oxygen εїз Food εїз Water εїз Shelter εїз Sleep

Thanks for the Inspiration (CRUSH)

"I can't pretend that I'm just a friend..." Are you guys back together again? Can somebody please explain something to me, what is happening and what is going on? I really need to know, so that I could stop waiting and try to move on. I know, I'm just a friend and it's not necessary for you to explain everything further, but you're making me confuse, you're making me feel like I'm someone special to you when in fact I am not, you're showing me something but you only mean one thing-FRIENDSHIP! Maybe, I'm just too blind to see, or maybe I'm too kind. Am I that transparent? I am feeling something, but I think it's not that great enough to say it's love. Maybe I'm just having a huge crush on you or an infatuation? Sooner or later it will be gone. I am wishing you happiness and better future in your real love's arms. Be happy always!

It's Your Birthday! =)

Let this post be offered to the one who celebrates his birthday today. I met you, last February 14,2011 during the new employees orientation. You and your friends were late while I was the 1st one to arrived. You were just wearing your jeans while I followed the formal attire. You belong to the 1st group while I'm in group 2. You were sitting on the left side of the aisle while I'm on the right but then we faced each other. You we're smiling while I was timidly shy. That was the first time we met, and that first time I just can't forget. September came and I need to have my annual physical exam. It was September 23 of the same year when we had the chance to meet again in person. I was scheduled to have my chest x-ray and as a radtech, you were also on duty at that same moment. You told me to wear my gown and I didn't know you will be the one who will take the xray. You offered me your bread, saying that you're giving everyone food. I said no, but thanks anyway. You took my xray and while taking it, you keep on talking (nonsense). I was just smiling and then you said, "don't worry it will look good, because you keep on smiling." Later that afternoon, we meet again, but not in the hospital but in SM. You told me, "oh! You're here again!" As I opened my FB page on my phone, I had a new friend request that needs to be confirmed. As there's no picture, only the name, I didn't confirm at first. When I went home and found out that you were the one, the confirm box were clicked. We became friends by then. On the day of my birthday, an unknown number sent me a birthday message (on my sun number) and I keep on asking who it was and the reply were just this smiley (:p). I had the intuition that it is you all along, until one day you admitted it was you and I was happy about it. You were sweet and funny, that maybe any girl could fall for you, then 1 day I admitted to myself that I am having a crush on you and I tried to hide and denied it, but then I just can't. December 4, 2011. I found out that you already had a girlfriend and she's coming back to Manila where she's working. You feel so sad and I know about it, but then I didn't know how to comfort you and ease the pain that you're feeling. Then, I realized I was hurting too. I don't know why but when we're not texting each other I missed you. I said to myself that I just want to make you happy even if it's not with me, I'll just remain to be your friend, someone who will be there when you need, to support and to give you strength. December 17, 2011. It's the employees' Christmas party and I was on stage dancing something very odd. Something that's not me. And you were there watching my every move. I didn't know that you were there, when I passed by, you said "you look good" then there's the thumping of my heart, not only because I was too shy to perform but because you actually saw what I had done. you texted me "grabe sayaw mo ba" and I was like, "OH MY GOD!!! I will never do it again, ever!" These were just some of the scenes we had that was etched on my memory, that no matter how much I tried to forget I just can't but instead I could remember every detail. You said, you're a free man now, but I still don't know what I am to you, I still don't know if you feel the same way too, because I know that you really love her, and whatever it was that caused your break-up, I don't have the right to know, all I know is she will always be a part of you, and if she's the one who makes you happy, so be it. I am always here, and if it's only friendship that we could have, I know I can deal with it, I am still too young, by the way and if you're just here to let me have something to learn, then I should learn from it. Because I still believe that there's a boy for every girl, so if you're not that boy, that means we we're meant to be friends, because friendship never ends, and it never stops, there's no break-ups and heartaches unless you fall in love. I want to greet you a happy happy birthday! Wishing you all the best in life, more birthdays to come, candles to blow,gifts to receive and years to count...Blessings to share and all the joys in the world! Because you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be blessed! Thanks for the friendship and the laughter we shared! Happy birthday padiwal!

Maligayang Araw ng Kalayaan

Ang Watawat ng Pilipinas Ngayon, Hunyo 12,2012 ay ipinagdidiwang natin ang ika-labing isang daan labing apat na taon ng pagiging malaya ng bansa. Ang ipinagkaiba lamang, dahil sa panahon ngayon hindi na lahat ng tao ay nagiging masaya sa kaalaman na ito ay bahagi ng ating kasaysayan. Ngayon, ang mga Pilipino ay parang walang pakialam sa mga nangyayaring kaganapan sa kanyang paligid. Hindi mo na makikita ang watawat ng Pilipinas sa mga sasakyan o establisamento at kung meron man, maaaari mo itong mabilang sa pamamagitan ng iyong mga daliri. Maraming nagsasabing mga banyaga na ang Pilipinas ay isang mayamang bansa lalo na sa kanyang kalikasan, dahil sa ating kalikasan at magagandang tanawin tayo ay dinadayo ng mga dayuhan. Pero, tayong mga Pilipino mismo ang hindi nakakakita kung gaano ka ganda ang ating bayan, hindi natin nakikita kung ano ang nakikita ng ibang taong hindi tagarito, tayo'y nagbubulag-bulagan sa mga maaaring maihatid sa atin ng ating mismong sinilangan. Datapwat ang nakikita natin ay ang mga mali ng ibang tao at mga katiwalian sa ating gobyerno, kung sa halip na tayo'y magtulungan para maihaon ang mga kababayan natin sa lugmok ng kahirapan, tayo mismo ang nagtutulak sa kanila sa mala-kumonoy na pamumuhay, ang hindi makaangat at makaahon sa kanilang kinatatayuan. Tama nga siguro ang kanilang mga sinabi na ang mga tao sa bansang ito, ay walang pagmamahal sa kanyang sariling bansa at wika, walang nahuhumaling sa sariling atin. Hindi ko lubos maisip bakit ang ibang bansa na noong una ay mas mahirap pa sa Pilipinas ay ngayon bahagi na ng mga pinakamayang bansa sa mundo, ang hindi nabiyayaan ng kalikasan ay mas dinadayo pa. Inaamin ko, kahit ganito ang bayan ko, mahal ko ito. Kahit ganito pa ang gobyerno na kinagisnan ko, mahal ko pa rin ang Pilipinas at ako'y nasisiyahan dahil Pilipino ako, dahil naniniwala ako na ang mga PILIPINO ay isa sa bansang may pinakamatalinong mga tao, dahil naniniwala parin ako na makakaahon ang Pilipinas, at hindi lamang dahil kay Manny Pacquiao or Jessica Sanchez ang makikilala sa buong mundo kundi ang iba pang mga PINOY na kagaya mo at kagaya ko. Ako'y palaging naiiiyak sa tuwing maririnig ko ang pambansang awit, dahil ito ay hindi na maalis sa aking sistema. Sana sa iyo rin, huwag mong kalimutan na ikaw ay ipinanganak at lumaki sa bansang ito, at sana ipagmalaki mo na ang lahi mo, ay lahing Pilipino! Ako'y isang Pinoy, sa isip, sa salita at sa gawa at mahal ko ang Pilipinas, ang aking lupang sinilangan! =)

10-Day Challenge:5th Day! =)

SIX Songs That I'm Addicted To ♫ Haengbok by Super Junior ♫ Body Language by Jesse McCartney ♫ A Lonely September by Plain White T's ♫ Jian Dan Ai by Jay Chou ♫ Love Light by CN Blue ♫ With A Smile by E-Heads

10-Day Challenge:4th Day!! =)

SEVEN Fears or Phobias ☩ Losing my loved ones ☩ Missing a Sunday Mass ☩ To be reprimanded ☩ Deep waters with sharks (LOL) ☩ Seeing someone die in front of me ☩ Losing my faith ☩ Angry Parents (ROFL)

10-DAY Challenge:3rd Day! =)

EIGHT Things That Annoy You ✠ PRIDE (people who are had engulfed too much of this) ✠ BIZBOX (hang) ✠ NURSES (arrogantly stupid) ✠ LAZY ✠ STUPID things and people ✠ SLOW CONNECTION ✠ CHAIN MESSAGES ✠ RUDE

Early Morning Walk

Last Friday, I had my night shift duty (10pm-6am). I wasn't able to sleep before hand because our former pharmacist came home from Saudi and she treated us for dinner, so before heading for duty we had a little reunion. We had a smooth sailing duty and I was happy about it, because I had done my very best to stay awake until the end, (I am not taking a nap, whenever I am on duty because I am not being paid to sleep). I was out a little after six in the morning and was planning to walk until Botikang Pinoy, where I will get my friend's precious umbrella (I was being nagged). Then, I changed my mind, I walked up to our home. I had made 6,054 steps within 1 hour and 4 minutes and according to my pedometer, I lost about 259 calories. I just took a power nap and then woke up again, because I had promised an appointment with the talaba club. I was the one who opened all of this. So proud! =)

10-DAY Challenge: 2nd Day! =)

NINE THINGS YOU DO EVERYDAY ✿ Take a bath. ✿ Brush my teeth. ✿ Eat. ✿ Duty. ✿ Type the keyboard. ✿ Walk. ✿ Listen to music. ✿ Smile. ✿ PRAY. NP: Queen of My Heart

10-DAY Challenge: 1st day! =)

TEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF ❀ I'm a FILIPINO and I am proud to be one! =) ❀ I love animes, asian stuffs, asian songs and cultures. ❀ A certified chocoholic and sweet tooth. ❀ A frustrated detective/secret agent/spy. ^^ ❀ I love music and numbers, I like arts but it's just a one-way-love-affair (arts didn't like me back since then) =( ❀ I love to read and my passion is writing. n_n ❀ I love to watch videos of Ryan Higa, Kevjumba, WongFu Pro, and other asian youtubers ❀ I love to travel and have some wonderful adventures. ❀ I can't live a day without smiling though I'm in a bad mood. =) ❀ Lastly, I'm a PHARMACIST. This is my calling, this is my pride. NP: When You Look Me In The Eyes

10-DAY Challenge!

I got this from a friend's blog and I had it, on my drafts a long time ago! I can't sleep at this moment so maybe I could finish this "10-Day Challenge" as soon as possible. LOL Day One: Ten random facts about yourself. Day Two: Nine things you do everyday. Day Three: Eight things that annoy you. Day Four: Seven fears/phobias. Day Five: Six songs that you’re addicted to. Day Six: Five things you can’t live without. Day Seven: Four memories you won’t forget. Day Eight: Three words you can’t go a day without using. Day Nine: Two things you wish you could do. Day Ten: One person you can trust. So maybe, I can do it within one day?? Let's see!

Morning Rant! Not So GOOD!

Yesterday, I was soooo mad (as in super mad) early in the morning! I was early for work, before six in the morning I was already saying my morning prayers in the chapel asking for guidance and patience. When I entered the room, said my usual morning greetings, I saw that there's a lot of cost center slips (what we call for the charge slips for in-patients)on the table, and the nurses were lining up at the counter. I put down my bag and logged in my access. The night duty pharmacist and the P.A. were having some little argument about a patient whom they can't see the profile on the list, they were typing the name all over again but then to no avail, so I butt in because I can't take their lack of initiative. Then presto, poof! there it is in an instant! (I'm becoming impatient, but then I didn't mind) I sat down then, the phone rang! I was like hoping she would answer the phone but then she just didn't care at all. So I answered it, and like the other days after you put it down, it will ring again, and I was right! I was answering phone calls while rendering the the requisitions from the stations and I was like multitasking! While she's just there, waiting for me to tell her to go home! But then, I didn't say a thing. What made me angry the most was when I saw the requisition time. There are a lot of requests from 2am and onwards. The total count was more than thirty and there's a lot of unprepared charge slips! Feels like we're being bombarded with papers and a lot of papers coming up! I feel so bad, I lost my grip. I asked the clerk if they were busy, and she gave me a crappy answer like "yeah, we we're. We we're having phone calls from the E.R. and stations, and there's a lot of requisitions" so I snapped back "why? There's only 1 person doing the rendering?" She answered me with lies in her eyes "no, we were also helping, maybe the ones you rendered were new" that was it!! (I really need to tell them,I am angry) "NO!!! They were not! I had rendered a lot of requisitions and I saw the time, it was 2:14am and onwards." I blew up, because it's not the 1st time that they did it to me, and to the others. They were so busy sleeping that they forgot they've got responsibilities to attend to. They were to caught up chatting about nonsense all over again. They were not focusing their attention to what should be their priorities. They were not using their initiative and mind, and I can't stand it any longer, it's not because they left me a lot to do early in the morning, it's just that, it affects not only me but the whole department. They were just thinking about themselves, they were not thinking about the people who will be left behind. I am also having night duties and before I leave I make sure that I did my job, that I had endorsed everything well before going home, that I had done what should be done, even if it is not written in my job description, even if I am not paid for it, even if no one sees me doing good things. I am just doing what should pharmacists do. I just love my job despite the low salary. I am just so happy that I got a job that's suited for what I've studied and learned. I was just appreciating every single thing I have without thinking of something to be gained. I am working because I love to work, I love my work and not because of something else. I hope they could do the same, I know that everyone is unique, that everyone thinks differently, that we can't tell somebody to change their ways, but then I just hope that they would love their job and upgrade the profession. I hope they act professionally and would not think only of their own self, but others too. I just don't know why people always ask for a salary increase without assessing their own work, and those people who always make "reklamos" were the ones whose not doing their job properly, the ones whose absences and lates were very remarkable, the ones who always rant about their schedules and the ones whose jobs you need to do again. And what I hate the most is, they were older than me, and they should be the role models not the one being told about. They should be the one teaching the younger ones and not the other way. Honestly, it is better to be with the newbies, than being with the oldies, because the newbies knows how to follow protocol and instructions, they know how to decide and to do their work without complaining, while the oldies are more like looking and just sitting there doing nothing, knowing nothing and feeling like a complete fool, contented of what they knew and plain working for the sake of the salary not because they love being a pharmacist. I am happy and proud that I am a pharmacist and I make a difference, not only to myself but to others as well, I am happy that I am being looked up to and I am so happy that I gain the trust of the higher management and happy that they see me as a valued employee! I just hope that others will be considerate enough. AMEN!

Before Coming Back

I saw this on my drafts..wasn't able to published it the last time! I don't know if I'm the only one feeling this way, but then I just can't take it anymore. I need an outlet for this emotion I have right now. My vacation is almost over and I need to get back to work in a few days time. I will be hearing the non-stop ringing of the phones,the screaming voices of the nurses and the loud banging sound of the phone being slammed, I will get to see the grumpy faces of the not-so-beautiful-and-handsome-nurses. Their sour faces outside the glass window and their crisp comments. Sometimes I wonder, if it is only the RNs in our "prestigious" hospital that act this way or is it all over the country. I am always asking myself why they act in a not-so-good-manner or are we (RPh) just too good for them that they're insecure of us. A little help please!